Dos meces

Two months ago. I remember the day clear as the summer sky. Every moment, every thought, every hope. I just wanted to be yours and you to be mine. And for a time, all was right with the world. I let the memories flood back because that is all i have now. i close my eyes, silence my world and remember. You and those deep blue eyes. I could see for miles. I knew what you were thinking, though i doubted it could be true. i wanted so bad for you to love me, did it cloud my view? with each word, each touch, i knew i had fallen for you. There are no more words. there are no more tears. i miss you as i miss a part of my own self, for that is what you are to me. i did not guard my heart, nor yours. Knowing you would soon be gone, i let you in anyway. You went deeper than i knew possible, we spoke without using words. you showed me what a gentleman really is, and how precious i could be. i should have left it with just a kiss goodnight as the song goes. i know that you didnt want me to fall for you. you tried to protect me. God, you were so perfect you even tried to protect me from that what i wanted n you knew it would hurt me if i got it. You wanted to keep all this pain from me, i see now. But it was worth it. two months ago. it feels like eternity...i miss you and i love you.

Perfect Timing

"When we were utterly helpless, Christ came at just the right time and died for us sinners. Now, most people would not be willing to die for an upright person, though someone might perhaps be willing to die for a person who is especially good. But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners. And since we have been made right in God’s sight by the blood of Christ, he will certainly save us from God’s condemnation. For since our friendship with God was restored by the death of his Son while we were still his enemies, we will certainly be saved through the life of his Son. So now we can rejoice in our wonderful new relationship with God because our Lord Jesus Christ has made us friends of God." Romans 5:6 says that at JUST THE RIGHT TIME Christ came and died for us sinners. I just saw a post about this today, as i was thinking about timing and how i think God needs to get His timing to match up with mine. GUESS WHAT-it's ME that needs to mold myself to HIS timing, not the other way around. As i think about the things that i want and am waiting for, i get caught up in what i want and if i can have it SOON. Instead, it is important to wait for GOD's timing, because only HE knows when is "just the right time." God has brought people into my life at just the right times. My family surrounds me when i am under attack, and others help when i need some encouragement. Even this past week when i was ready to give up on a dream, in just the right timing God fanned the fire in my heart. i am reminded to stay true to who i am and what my dreams are. I will not change for a man. i will not let you tell me that i am not worthy. God has sent His OWN SON to die for me--THAT's how worthy i am.  I do not fit your mold, but that doesn't mean i'm a failure. i only fail when i live for myself instead of the One who died for me. Thanks for coming at "just the right time," Jesus. i love you. thank you for sending me my friends and family at just the right times. please bless them and keep them safe for Your kingdom. I used to say "keep them safe for me," but i have come to understand that YOU love them more than i could. so i now pray that You keep them safe for Yourself. Keep us on the straight n narrow so that when You return in Your perfect timing, we are ready to join you. We love you.

My biggest dreams...

So this week there has been a lot of discussions about big dreams. Dreams from childhood. Goals for now and the future. Spectacular things that could be comparable to a mountain being thrown into a sea....It made me think. What ARE my dreams? I was asked to pick my biggest dream, and even after i answered i knew there was so much more. So here we go. In this blog on the World Wide Web, for all to see, here is an extensive list of my dreams/goals of this life big and small, near and far, possible and miraculous...
to BE a: wife, mother,  mentor,  disciple,  apostle, missionary
to DO(career): cure Alzheimer's, Mexican border nursing home (bilingual), take care of orphans, hospital nurse-local or Children's Hospital
to DO (Faith): preform miracles, drive out demons, heal the sick by the power of Jesus's name, be a part of the renewing of the Bride of Christ as one complete Body of believers (unity), raise up children to know Christ and those who are saved to live for Him, be called into missions, live by the Spirit and not gratify the flesh, experience entire sanctification by the grace and the Holy Spirit, write books to encourage/enhance wisdom

Lots of goals/dreams....and i know they will not all happen, but i do want them to happen. Which is the greatest? Unity. I pray for it daily. I cannot wait for the day when the LORD comes back and brings us all together to Himself as One and we are made One with Him completely. I desire His power to run through me, for His blood to be in my blood and His heart take over mine.

A prayer for my sister

Dear Heavenly Father, You are all good and all Holy. No one is good BUT You alone!  Your plans are much greater and higher than mine. At this moment LORD i lift up my sister in You whose name you know. You know the words i pray before i pray them. You know how my heart aches for her to be kept safe from the deceitful ones of this earth. God i am broken for her, as i have been in her situation, blinded by the lies and denial. God i pray that You break down the walls and peel off the scales from her eyes. Allow her to see this situation as i do now, as she did when i was in it myself. God i pray that i am wrong and that she is actually not being tempted in any way. I pray that she is stronger than i was. I pray for another sister who is struggling in another similar way that i believe i am freed from (and daily being freed from). God i pray that she is able to see just how much You love her and how she does not need a mere mortal man to hold her and love her because she has Your loving embrace! God at least two sisters come to mind in this instance and i pray for both of them by name that You would reveal Yourself to them in such an awesome way LORD God that they just completely surrender to Your love and say with all their heart soul  body and mind, "I love You Lord God! You are more than enough for me!" I pray that i myself get to this point and i thank You for giving me glimpses of how You test me in this. I pray that when the race is complete, You will say that i ran in order to obtain the prize. Thank You God for all You have done and have yet to do! We love You, Holy One. In Jesus's precious name i pray, amen

From your helpmate

Dear future husband, God has shown me this hour once again that He is all i need. i have my list of all that i want, everything i want you to be or not be. How foolish to think i know best when the Father knows even every hair on my head! He knows what i want, and He knows what you want. The more important part, i have been shown, is not that we fit each others lists, but that we fit God's lists. Woman was taken of man to be his helpmate, so this is what i pray. That God shows me how to be the best helpmate i can be and that will lead me to you. Yes, i still have "my list," but instead of looking for you and how to make you mine, I will look to how i can respect and help you, whoever you may be. You are not mine. You are God's. And i am not yours; I am God's. Therefore, let us be used by Him in everything. I know now that you are not a man who fits my qualifications alone, but a man whom i can respect and follow, and you are a man who can lead and love. Together we shall serve Our Lord, Our God. One day He will bring us together, but only when the time is right for His glory.
I apologize, my love, for how long it is taking for me to get there. i always thought i would have gotten to you by now.  But i know that God's got a plan and all i will do is wait for you, and pray for you, and do all i can do to bring God the glory in all i do in this season of life.

Dear Heavenly Father, Holy One in Heaven, i praise You for Your wisdom that You give so freely! I thank You for revelations and ask for wisdom in what to do with them. i pray that You prepare me to be used by You each and every day. Guide my feet so that i do not stumble into sin. I do not want to wander off Your path of righteousness. Help me to always say no to the road that is wide and foolish. Keep me on the straight and narrow and reveal to me Your will for my scene in this movie YOU star in. You are the only thing that is worth it LORD. I speak of momentary things, why can i not speak of You and things of the eternal? Use my mouth LORD God for Your glory. May each time i open my mouth it not be me voicing an opinion, by You speaking Your truth. I praise You for all that You have done and are doing in my life. To You alone be the glory. Continue to show me how to love and serve like You. Let me be Your shining light. I love You Lord Jesus. In that precious and blameless name i pray all these things, amen