What do I really want?

 I thought I knew what I wanted. I thought I knew what I needed. I thought I knew. I thought. When I didn't get something, I decided I wanted that, and then when I got that part, it didn't work out. I'm so confused!
I met a really great guy. Nearly everything I asked for. I was absolutely amazed. He bought me roses. Paid for out date. Called me "Pretty." Texted me sweet things. Due to previous encounters, I decided to give him the friend test. And HE decided to be out. Now i'm asking God , was it wrong to introduce a potential suitor to my closest friends?! I heard "number 8 13" and knew God had something to say.

Have the Levites stand in front of Aaron and his sons and then present them as a wave offering to the Lord. - Numbers 8:13

Well, seeing as one of those friends was actually named Aaron, this verse really stood out to me. The Levites had to stand before the man who was in charge.and then that man presented the.Levites to God.

It's important to test character. It's important to KNOW who you are getting. It's important that those who "know how it's done" have a say. It's important that those closest to God get a say in who gets to serve in the most intimate ways. It's important that my friends and family.get along with my potential suitor. And vice versa.

More important, it's essential that my suitor be able to be presented as an offering, a sacrifice, a present aroma to God

Awake oh sleeper!

The last two nights, I have dreamed dreams and been awoken in the night from them. For the first time in a long time, I can remember the dreams after waking up. For the first time in a long time, i was unable to sleep the whole night through. For the first time in a long time, I received a revelation in REM sleep.

Sunday morning, I awoke from a dream I recall vividly. I had just gotten married, but instead of being with my husband at the altar or in a get-away car, I was on a reason with my parents. On my way to see my husband? I recall that being my thought in the dream, but I cannot know for sure. In fact, I didn't even see my husband. I awoke before he appeared.
What does this mean? Other than "i'm obsessing about being married"? could it possibly be "i'm not ready to leave my parents and cleave to my husband"? Could this be God telling me, "look, I know you have this desire. But you are not ready yet."?

This morning, Sunday into Monday,  I awoke once, unable to discern why, around 2. Then I awoke again at 3:47. (I was more awake at this time due to the nightmare)

In this particular dream, only one part is vivid. And that is the part where the school teacher is performing a treatment (for lack of better word) that is MY job to preform, to my client. In this nightmare, I look with horror as the teacher, untrained for this specific and sterile procedure, is preforming this task without gloves. Not only is she doing the task of the private duty nurse, she is doing it without proper equipment!!!
The revelations with this dream were many, but this is the gist: we all have a role to play in life. Our life. And others lives. When we attempt to do something that is not our role, we can cause the person who's role it actually is to be very angry. And we often don't use the right tools/equipment nor have the correct training for it. I think, I'm not 100% certain, but I believe, that God is telling me in this dream to stop trying to fulfill the roles of others. He has given me my role. I know what it is. He has trained me in it. He has given me the appropriate tools. I need to do my role, not others.
I need to do my role-my role is to be a helper, a servant, an assistant. My role is a supporting one. So I must support. When I don't, others will. And they weren't equipped to do it the way I was.
I need to not do others' roles. So often I have wanted to head a bible study, small group, run this ministry or that. But now I have realized that that isn't my role. To do that is to take a task from someone who IS called and  equipped to do it. Instead, I need to support them. In this, I am fulfilled and so are they.

God still speaks through dreams. Are we still listening? What is your role? Are you doing it? What are you attempting to do but failing at because it's not your role? Just because you have a passion for something doesn't mean there is only one role in it. Figure out your role and DO IT!

Getting what you want from God

Its quite simple actually.
Step 1-want. Can be $, power, a relationship, job, anything. Just want.
Step 2-reconize the want. Realise that you actually want it. Admit it in your head and heart
Step 3-give it to God. Show Him that He is more important by surrendering that want to Him. Tell Him you want it, but that you know and trust that HE KNOWS WHAT'S BEST. (NOTE: THIS IS THE HARDEST STEP. We may think we have done this, but God sees the heart and knows whether we have completed this step or not.)
Step 4-ask Him for what you want. If after you gave it to God, you still want it, ask Him for it. He will either give it to you or change your want.

Make a joyful noise

When alone, I love to sing. I sing loud and passionately. I do not, however, sing well. I have been called tone deaf by many people, and those are the people I cannot sing my heart out around. Interestingly enough, singing, although I'm not talented in it, is a part of who I am.
I love to sing. My favorite songs to sing are worship songs, or any kind of song that I can relate to. It is a way I communicate my feelings and thoughts. It is my way of sharing my heart and my mind, my soul and my spirit. For me to not be able to sing in front of someone, because I am ashamed of how terrible I sound or they say I sound, is to not be able to be authentic.
The Bible says to make a joyful noise to the Lord. This is my command, my instruction, and my life. I will make a joyful noise to the Lord. I will sing with my whole heart to praise Him. I will sing a new song to Him. I will sing. I may not sing well, but I must sing. I must make a joyful noise.

wanted a song

I remember the day we first met
I wondered how lucky i'd get.
Would there ever be a chance for me
And you forever to be?
As we continued each day
To learn about eachother and say
We think this can work so let's try
I was so happy I could almost cry

So I wanted to write you a song
I wanted a song for you came along
A song to tell you how happy I am
To be yours and start planning a fam

But of course I was moving too fast
And we know great things don't always last
So you and I drew further apart
And there were days I lost your heart
And you wanted to date t swift just so
She could write a breakup song (so low)

So I wanted to write you a song
you wanted a song all along
So you broke my heart
And gave me a start

To write this stupid little song
Was all you wanted all along
You just wanted a song
To be as famous as king kong
Well you were the king of my heart
Until you tore it all apart
So how do you like your song
The breakup song you wanted all along

I just used Shazam to discover Lessons Learned by Carrie Underwood. http://shz.am/t42933233

Faith

There is a song i REALLY love called "Keepin' me guessin'" by Francesca Battistelli (Attached here ). It inspired this post where i talk about "knowing" where God is leading me (and then realizing i DONT and He just wants me to realize that HE has it and i don't need to "figure it out")

It's fun to be at this place with God
where He like to keep me on my toes
I think i know which way we are heading,
and i may not like it, but then it goes

Right when i get used to the new normal,
thinking I'll be alright, and He's got a plan,
He turns the tables around again, and i get more
more than i thought i could ask from His hand
But He just shows me He's in control, not me
and now i know that is the very best place
the best place, forever, to be.

So as the time keeps passing on so fast
i wonder if i will ever learn
that i cannot outthink God, not even based on past
Though for His wisdom i will yearn.

It's a great place to be, really
to know that the God of the universe knows better than me.
To know that i don't always know how it turns out
and He can turn into a smile my pout.
It's a faith journey i travel along
and my assumptions may be right or wrong,
but in the end i must trust God's got a plan
that i don't need to over-think and understand

Faith isn't trusting we go where we want,
or even trusting our logical hunt.
Trusting that God has a plan and it is good
and walking in it the way we should.
that's the faith i'm learning these days,
to trust God in ALL His ways.
To know that what i see may be wrong
and i am never too far gone.