2 Peter 3:9 The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.
So many times i just want it to come so that we can be with God forever and not worry about the things of this life...like my impatience with God fulfilling other promises. i trust Him. i love Him. i know that He knows what's best for me and He knows His will for me. It's just hard to get there you know?
We are living for one reason only, because God gave us this life. What are we gonna do with it? He wants us to glorify Him and love Him and obey Him...and KNOW Him, which is redic because our finite minds cannot fully comprehend the infinite...though we may try to. So this is what i'm gonna do with my time. This is my "calling" for these days: to know Him more. Deeper, fuller, better...I want to be like those who are called Christians. Those who, when people talk about me, they say, "yeah, that's that girl who is crazy about Jesus and showing HIS love"
The time is now. I just need to be prepared and obey
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Monday, July 25, 2011
you know me
How is it that you know me
Every detail so easily
Before i speak a single word
You've already heard
My mind you read
all my plans you intercede
i cannot hide myself from you
but it's the thing i want to do
you give me whiplash
from you i wanna dash
how do you know me so completely
and not even want nor need me
we are soul mates but not lovers
from you i want to run for cover
it scares me how close we are
yet at times we are so far
i dont want you in that way
it's another i wish would stay
though our connection not as strong
it is for him alone that i long
who said you have to marry your soulmate
you and i wouldn't last on a date
and the one i have fallen for
is just a little harder to work for
but he is worth all the effort
even if i would get hurt
Just some thoughts on how a soulmate doesnt necessarily mean that's the one you should marry. Sometimes that just means they are a good friend who is able to help you understand yourself better and look out for you. And sometimes that person who IS worth it may be a little hard to uncover in the beginning, but i am convinced that it is better to fight for the one you want than to settle for someone you think is just compatible....
Every detail so easily
Before i speak a single word
You've already heard
My mind you read
all my plans you intercede
i cannot hide myself from you
but it's the thing i want to do
you give me whiplash
from you i wanna dash
how do you know me so completely
and not even want nor need me
we are soul mates but not lovers
from you i want to run for cover
it scares me how close we are
yet at times we are so far
i dont want you in that way
it's another i wish would stay
though our connection not as strong
it is for him alone that i long
who said you have to marry your soulmate
you and i wouldn't last on a date
and the one i have fallen for
is just a little harder to work for
but he is worth all the effort
even if i would get hurt
Just some thoughts on how a soulmate doesnt necessarily mean that's the one you should marry. Sometimes that just means they are a good friend who is able to help you understand yourself better and look out for you. And sometimes that person who IS worth it may be a little hard to uncover in the beginning, but i am convinced that it is better to fight for the one you want than to settle for someone you think is just compatible....
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
My heart's Desire/God Sightings/God listens to you!
Psalm 139:4 "Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD."
How AWESOME that the God of EVERYTHING hears EVERY word, every desire before i even say it! I find this to be true in many ways, in many days. How foolish i felt today telling our preteens that i was thinking i didn't have a "God-sighting" (Aka, seeing God working/providing in my life) for today. Before i even said it, God had planned to bless me with extra McDonalds! My favorite part was being able to share it with a very special friend (two actually!) God knew what i needed before i asked for it, and God knew what i wanted before i asked for it.
A long long time ago, i was a little girl who was dreaming of her prince charming. At that time, i didn't know who he was but i knew certain qualities he'd have to have. As i grew older, so did this list. It's funny to look back and see those things that i wanted, those heart's desires. Some have changed, many have not. There have been many times that i have ignored my heart's desire for, in one case, a strong Christian leader, or in another, a respectful man, or in another case, a man that would encourage me. God knows my deepest yearnings in my heart, the things that matter most. When i line my desires up with His, that is when those yearnings are stronger, and are fulfilled. God Himself proves to be more than all i need, and then blesses me even more by giving me my hearts deepest desire. When it becomes time for Him to take it back, does it mean that He does not love me? Of course not! it simply means He wants me to continue to find my longings all fulfilled in HIM alone. And who knows, the more i press into God, the more He continues to bless me. Maybe He brings back that which He took away to bless me even more. But even if He doesnt, I still know that God is listening to me before i speak and He knows my heart's desire. THANK YOU, GOD!
you know it completely, O LORD."
How AWESOME that the God of EVERYTHING hears EVERY word, every desire before i even say it! I find this to be true in many ways, in many days. How foolish i felt today telling our preteens that i was thinking i didn't have a "God-sighting" (Aka, seeing God working/providing in my life) for today. Before i even said it, God had planned to bless me with extra McDonalds! My favorite part was being able to share it with a very special friend (two actually!) God knew what i needed before i asked for it, and God knew what i wanted before i asked for it.
A long long time ago, i was a little girl who was dreaming of her prince charming. At that time, i didn't know who he was but i knew certain qualities he'd have to have. As i grew older, so did this list. It's funny to look back and see those things that i wanted, those heart's desires. Some have changed, many have not. There have been many times that i have ignored my heart's desire for, in one case, a strong Christian leader, or in another, a respectful man, or in another case, a man that would encourage me. God knows my deepest yearnings in my heart, the things that matter most. When i line my desires up with His, that is when those yearnings are stronger, and are fulfilled. God Himself proves to be more than all i need, and then blesses me even more by giving me my hearts deepest desire. When it becomes time for Him to take it back, does it mean that He does not love me? Of course not! it simply means He wants me to continue to find my longings all fulfilled in HIM alone. And who knows, the more i press into God, the more He continues to bless me. Maybe He brings back that which He took away to bless me even more. But even if He doesnt, I still know that God is listening to me before i speak and He knows my heart's desire. THANK YOU, GOD!
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Whats important...
Tonight was a big night. Why? well, the first reason and biggest reason i would say is because we (a small handful of Christians) were completely filled with the Holy Spirit, praying for healing, protection, and the binding and removal of demons. Yes, heavy stuff. Even as i type this i pray and ask God to wrap me in His embrace and that i feel the power of Jesus. By typing this, emotion is filling my body, but i need you to know. I need the body of Christ to KNOW the POWER of His NAME! The power He gives us! the POWER of Jesus Christ our Risen Savior! Yes, praying to and in Him was the most important part of this evening. More important than using my nursing "skills" and having the courage to call 911. More important than meeting new people. More important than having something to do. More important than the beautiful sunset i saw before i got there. More important than a phone call that i so desperately wanted to take. Yes, Jesus is more important than all these.
I cannot sleep now, as i think about this nights events and everything that happened, as there is more that i refuse to write about in a public blog because i want to protect the privacy of those involved. But at the same time i know God will grant me rest for a new day tomorrow.
PS, i prayed God would show me if He wanted me to continue with this Bible Study Friday night thing, many times. Many times, He has shown me that YES HE wants me to continue it, though others may not see the importance of it, the value is higher than i can imagine. So although at times i feel unable to do so, I will respond and answer the call. I will continue until He says stop. And just because it "got hard" doesnt mean it's God saying stop. It simply means it's work.....
So what's important? Christ. And those who love and obey Him. (and those that WILL one day come to know Him)
I cannot sleep now, as i think about this nights events and everything that happened, as there is more that i refuse to write about in a public blog because i want to protect the privacy of those involved. But at the same time i know God will grant me rest for a new day tomorrow.
PS, i prayed God would show me if He wanted me to continue with this Bible Study Friday night thing, many times. Many times, He has shown me that YES HE wants me to continue it, though others may not see the importance of it, the value is higher than i can imagine. So although at times i feel unable to do so, I will respond and answer the call. I will continue until He says stop. And just because it "got hard" doesnt mean it's God saying stop. It simply means it's work.....
So what's important? Christ. And those who love and obey Him. (and those that WILL one day come to know Him)
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Some of my Depressing thoughts
i know i'm not perfect. i know im not even close. i know there are things i do that are bad, things i say and things i think that are wrong. regardless of all that, i know that i am LOVED more than anyone here on Earth could love me. Why is it not enough? Why does my soul still feel unsatisfied? i have all i need, and He is more than enough for me, and yet i still feel empty. What's missing? **This world is not my home**
my soul is not satisfied, not whole. i feel incomplete. i feel empty. i am thirsy for more of Jesus, hungry for communion with Him and His people. and yet, even when i am there, i can feel so alone, so unloved.
am i doing this wrong? how can i do this right? it's so impossible to live right, no matter how hard i try and how many times i ask You to take over. i just wanna be home with You. this world is not my home and i feel so alone and unloved. how long must i wait, oh God? for how long must my soul be so unsatisfied? When will You return and restore it all? we are so broken Lord and we need You.
it is because of the brokenness of man, of sin, that we see all the suffering.
why can we not just love as You have commanded? why can we not be one as You and the Father are one?! this is my soul's desire and nothing can compare to being in complete unity. i only wish i knew what it felt like for more than just moments here and there.
Is this the reason i long for a husband? to have one with whom i am one at all times? and yet, is there even such a man for me? I have had faith, and i have doubted. I long for a man who understands, who loves You and loves me, desires to be one with You, and one with me. I truly believe that we can have the unity of the church here, but it is so far away and we keep putting up the divisions in the church. I hate it! I hate when satan drives a wedge between believers! With God and His people is where we are supposed to feel comforted, encouraged, loved. And yet, so often i leave feeling alone and distraught. How long? How long must this go on? When can i give up my delusions of what this was supposed to be and just realize what it is?
my soul is not satisfied, not whole. i feel incomplete. i feel empty. i am thirsy for more of Jesus, hungry for communion with Him and His people. and yet, even when i am there, i can feel so alone, so unloved.
am i doing this wrong? how can i do this right? it's so impossible to live right, no matter how hard i try and how many times i ask You to take over. i just wanna be home with You. this world is not my home and i feel so alone and unloved. how long must i wait, oh God? for how long must my soul be so unsatisfied? When will You return and restore it all? we are so broken Lord and we need You.
it is because of the brokenness of man, of sin, that we see all the suffering.
why can we not just love as You have commanded? why can we not be one as You and the Father are one?! this is my soul's desire and nothing can compare to being in complete unity. i only wish i knew what it felt like for more than just moments here and there.
Is this the reason i long for a husband? to have one with whom i am one at all times? and yet, is there even such a man for me? I have had faith, and i have doubted. I long for a man who understands, who loves You and loves me, desires to be one with You, and one with me. I truly believe that we can have the unity of the church here, but it is so far away and we keep putting up the divisions in the church. I hate it! I hate when satan drives a wedge between believers! With God and His people is where we are supposed to feel comforted, encouraged, loved. And yet, so often i leave feeling alone and distraught. How long? How long must this go on? When can i give up my delusions of what this was supposed to be and just realize what it is?
Monday, May 30, 2011
memorial day
So i have the song "Not where i belong" by building 429 stuck in my head. (probably because i was listening to it the entire drive home). Its so comforting to me, especially in the times that i feel the world we live in crashing around me. So some things i realized.
i love Jesus (obviously). i love encouraging. i love being appreciated. i love being loved. i love unity. i love being able to make connections with people....but sometimes they dont wanna connect with me. But that's ok, because this world is not my home and Jesus is more than enough for me. I just need to keep these things in mind and not forget that it doesnt matter what this world throws at me, Jesus is right there with me and holding my hand. He loves me more than any friend or spouse or parent could.
i love Jesus (obviously). i love encouraging. i love being appreciated. i love being loved. i love unity. i love being able to make connections with people....but sometimes they dont wanna connect with me. But that's ok, because this world is not my home and Jesus is more than enough for me. I just need to keep these things in mind and not forget that it doesnt matter what this world throws at me, Jesus is right there with me and holding my hand. He loves me more than any friend or spouse or parent could.
Friday, May 20, 2011
Woe is me
Woe is me for i cannot keep Your commands
Woe is me for always letting go of Your hands
Though i try to do what honors You
i always fail in the follow through
i tried to start a study of Your Word
but i guess everyone got bored
When did church become social hour?
and the people not show His power?
i do not speak well my God,
but Your gospel of peace i shod
i long to bring it clear to all
but somewhere i just dropped the ball.
or was it not me but them instead
who want not to be fed?
regardless of fault of the end of the season
i shall continue my study with God as my reason
When i hear that it helps just one soul
i have to remember that is our goal
it's not about number that i can see
but about those hearts who change, and are freed
Woe is me for always letting go of Your hands
Though i try to do what honors You
i always fail in the follow through
i tried to start a study of Your Word
but i guess everyone got bored
When did church become social hour?
and the people not show His power?
i do not speak well my God,
but Your gospel of peace i shod
i long to bring it clear to all
but somewhere i just dropped the ball.
or was it not me but them instead
who want not to be fed?
regardless of fault of the end of the season
i shall continue my study with God as my reason
When i hear that it helps just one soul
i have to remember that is our goal
it's not about number that i can see
but about those hearts who change, and are freed
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