Worth it

Am i worth the commitment
am i worth the pain the struggles the hurt
i am worth the work, the discipline, the wait
am i worth my past, my present, my future
Worth the nails, worth the cross,
worth the blood, being scorned by God
worth the tears, worth the fears.
God says i'm worth it, but man says i'm not
God stands eternal, man is not.
God is steadfast, constant and true.
Why do i care when man deems me unworthy,
when i have a God Who makes me worthy!
And HE is worth it.
Worth the commitment
worth the pain the struggles and hurt
worth the WORK the discipline the wait
worth turning away from the past
worth giving my present into His hands
worth trusting the future is all He has planned
He's worth all the tears and facing my fears.
And He makes me worth it too.

So next time a man says im not worth his time,
says girls like me are a dozen a dime,
i can just shake my head and walk on by
because of Jesus, i AM a prize.
 It's HIS opinion that matters alone,
not a text, a message on the phone.
God defines my worth based on Christ's blood
that covers my sins, my failures, my crud.
Though i know man see my flaws and shameful past,
even my shaky present, and unsure future they cant see past
But if all could close their eyes and see with love
maybe this world would feel peace like a dove

im worth the suffering, the pain, the effort.
i know being with me is going to hurt.
but know that i am on my way,
walking the straight and narrow more each day.
yes i slip and fall back down
and make Jesus cry and frown,
but He died once for ALL my sin
and we are family, you're my kin.
Because of Him, i am worth it
Because of Him, you are worth it.
Because over ALL- HE is worth it.

Answered prayers and patience

im confused. Completely and totally taken aback. I'm doing everything i know to be right and in line with God in this, and then it's gone....I'm following Him in obedience to Kenya. I'm giving Him all the glory for taking me and putting it on my heart. I'm making sure to make everything about Him because i know without Him none of this would be happening. So when i found out i was losing my one case, it didnt come as a shock, and i knew that God would bring something to replace it. This case is half my paycheck, or more. Two hours after finding out my last day, i get a phone call with details on the PERFECT FIT case. 10 hour day on Friday in an area that i would already be in on Fridays! PRAISE GOD! I was so excited i proceeded to tell everyone how good God is for this timing was amazing--i didnt have time to worry! haha! And then a call today saying that the case doesnt want me because i'm going away for a long time over the summer. **shoulders drop, big sigh**i just don't get it. It was perfect! What is God trying to teach me here? that sometimes He takes away that which we thought was perfect because He can? because He has better? Because it's just not time yet? I dont know. But either way, no matter what happens, I will continue to praise my God and tell of the great things He is doing!

Because guess what?

I"M GOING TO KENYA!!!

But another wonderful thing that is helping me to not worry about work...well, let me tell you the story. Of course, it involves my dream man...

So i was finally spending all my time with this man that i was totally into. He was everything i wanted and i was so happy and thanking God for him! Long story short, we stopped spending so much time together (i was getting clingy, go figure haha) but i still hurt because i had given my heart to him (though i know i shouldnt have and it wasnt mine to give yadda yadda i think i wrote this part already?). So this past week and weekend was a lot of crying out to God about that and mourning the loss of this dream man, and asking God to take away my desire for him and replace it with a deeper faith in God. A few hours later i find out an old friend is in the area. The next day we spend just 2 hours together and in those 2 hours God used him to refocus me and remind me what i really want. To ask me what i really want. So i discovered some things that i had been compromising on that i didnt need to. there were desires that i had that were not being met by my dream man. Therefore he was not my dream man all along. So i praise God that He answered my plea for being freed from the desire for something i cannot have (in this case a particular relationship) and increased my faith in Him by bringing back a part of my life i had forgotten was so sweet. After just two hours of being treated like a princess i remembered who i am. a child of the King. a princess who can wait for the prince. <3

2-15-12 A day to go down in history

Remember this night CLIMB. Wherever you were, whatever you were doing, remember this night. Tonight, the night after USA celebrates infatuation and calls it love, we celebrated reconciliation and called it the Church. And that is what we are.

“This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.” 1 John 4:10 NLT

" And all of this is a gift from God, who brought us back to himself through Christ. And God has given us this task of reconciling people to him. 19 For God was in Christ, reconciling the world to himself, no longer counting people’s sins against them. And he gave us this wonderful message of reconciliation. 20 So we are Christ’s ambassadors; God is making his appeal through us. We speak for Christ when we plead, “Come back to God!” 21 For God made Christ, who never sinned, to be the offering for our sin,[e] so that we could be made right with God through Christ. 2 Cor 5:18-21

Exodus 12:14
“This is a day to remember. Each year, from generation to generation, you must celebrate it as a special festival to the LORD. This is a law for all time.

Matthew 25:23
“The master said, ‘Well done, my good and faithful servant. You have been faithful in handling this small amount, so now I will give you many more responsibilities. Let’s celebrate together!’

Luke 15:32
We had to celebrate this happy day. For your brother was dead and has come back to life! He was lost, but now he is found!’”

 Tonight we claim victory. Over dissension. over pride. over lust. over addictions. over insecurities. over backsliding. over sin. over disappointments. over sickness. Over loneliness.  over gossip. over hate. over anger. over envy. over anything that once held us down in the past, we are more than conquerors thru Jesus Christ (Romans 8:37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.)

Song that has been on repeat today:

"Breathin to Death" by Lacrae

It's like I'm tired of life/ Lord i'm wrong why I cant
get right/ And when it's dark why I cant get light/
eh why it cant be light it's so heavy why my sin won't
let me see the end/ come get me/ please come get me/
my thoughts my mind/ my ways all evil/ I'm sposed to
be your people I'm sposed to see your sequel/ I said
I'll never leave you/ But I'm so left i aint right
Lord I'm sleeping with death/man,
I am cheating with death/ am I deaf Its like I don't
hear you/ I say that I'm a Christian but it's like
I don't fear you/ I'm on a selfish island and i am
no where near you/ God i really need you even tho I
don't appear to/ I'm drinking out a broken cistern
that could never hold water and I'm gonna get burned/
tho I try i never satisfy or quench this yearn/ I hear
you calling but it's like a fight for me to just turn/Lord
I deserve to burn

Hook: Repeat 2x
Help me Lord before there's no time left
I ain't living I'm just breathing to death (echo)
Your ways are perfect and they lead me to rest
Mine are evil and they lead me to death

I'm fellin' skitzophrenic / maybe I ain't saved cause
i gotta get high just to block out all the pain/ seen
death, seen hurt seen a whole lotta thangs/ instead
of running from it I'm running away from change/ it's
like I'm outside in the ice cold weather/the rains
coming down and I keep getting wetter/ I know I'm getting
sick and I could die any second/ but still I refuse
to let your truths make me better/ I'd rather eat flies
and maggots instead of bread/ and its killing me slow
but i cant get it through my head/ you were stabbed
you were murdered/ and for me is why you bled/ but
I spit on your bloody face as If i never cared/ And
Lord how dare i compare my pain/ your father turned
his back/ and you were left to hang/ I don't know why
you did it that I cant explain/ how can you love this
sinner whose desecrated your name/Lord I deserve the flames

Hook: 2x

I know I tell lies/ I know I do dirt/ Apart from you
I'm nothing but you can give me worth/ I don't know
if I know you/ But still I know I should/ I know the
days are evil and only you are Good/ I've come to this
conclusion I would like to change cause all the worlds
money and fame cannot sustain/ I know that i should
turn but thats the hardest thang/ cause do I really
feel that havin' Jesus is my gain/ the world is so
tempting/ Satan is a beast/ he hypnotizes my eyes to
say the least/ But Jesus be my treasure to know you
is live/ and I am here dying trying everything there
is/ All I need here is you/ help me turn away from
sin/ Lord give me grace to turn away and the fear not
to give in/ I know that I'm not perfect but if I could
rest in Him/ I know i don't deserve it but still I'll
take your hand/Lord let me take your hand

 

valentines day 2012

So, this valentines day, i was stuck at home. Not because i didnt have anything to do, or anyone to see, or laid off, but because my car was in the shop getting a windshield fixed. Lovely. So what did i do? i slept in and exercised. when i got a text message wishing me happy valentines day from the man of my dreams, i put off responding, knowing that it was not just me who received that message.So who picked me up to go get my car when it was fixed? An ex boyfriend. So, as a thank you, i took him to dinner. I guess that means he was my valentine? hahah. After that? went to my ex fiance's grandmothers house to meet his son.After that? home to relax and get ready for work.

If you love it let it go

So i am starting to understand this "if you love something let it go" theory, however the "if it comes back it's yours" is a part i am not sure i agree with.
If GOD is to be loved with ALL my heart soul and mind, then there is not any room for anything that is NOT of Him. Therefore, when i love something, i must let it go if it is not God. This makes sure that HE is on the throne and nothing else. And when i give up everything else, i am at peace, my soul finds rest when i do not strive for something other than God!But every moment spend on this fallen planet i find something that i need to surrender back to God. I need to continually consecrate myself to God. Though i have been able to spot things in my life quicker than i had (and to actually give them up instead of choosing to keep something between me and God), i know this is still a process. So let's be patient with one another when we see flaws, faults, or failings. Let's restore gently (Galatians 6:1). By all means, yes, please do point it out if i do not see it, but do so gently. Everything in love. And i will do the same. Keep God on throne, and He does not share that. Let go of anything you desire outside of Him and you will see how He is more than enough!

The usual starts out neg turns pos

i dont know what to say
there are no words for today
such a rollercoaster ride im on
the high i felt all day is gone
just because i heard some song
that remind me you're where i belong
but i know those songs are not so true
because i do not belong with you
The Truth has shown me what i really want
and that right now i need to not be on the hunt
it's just hard to hear these songs i love
and think that you fit me like a glove
when i know im just a hopeless romantic
and these songs just make me frantic
so i need to turn the radio off and lift up a prayer
and know that of me and you God will take care
i rest in His arms and place my trust in Jesus
and plead with Him to take away all thoughts of "us"
what could have been and what ifs arent healthy
i'm gonna make my counselor quite wealthy
i know this unrest is due to what is to come
i know who this anxiousness is coming from
i refuse to listen to the negative attitudes,
In love and hope from Christ I get my cues
i place it down in front of my savior, the foot of the cross
For compared to Him all else is loss
i press on to the goal and the calling i've been given
and in His grace i chose to live in.
Even when i think of the daily stresses
i know where my Faith Hope and Love is

Giving up control but not hope

i still absolutely adore you and respect you
still wanna be your best friend and support you
but now i know i need to give you space
to let us both grow in our faith
i've got things to work on i know
and getting help so watch me grow
im not doing this for you though i'm doing it for me
to be the woman God's created me to be
and if we end up together later in life
and you decide you want me as your wife
we'll be blessed by this time apart
because then ill be able to fully give my heart
where i wont be so full of nag and mope
so im giving up control but not hope