I coulda hit him. I wanted to scream at him. I wanted to just turn around and GLARE at him. I wanted to say "we are here to WORSHIP GOD, if you are not, PLEASE LEAVE and if you are, please STOP TALKING!"
So much for praying extra hard that the distractions stay away. Mikes loud or soft, music blaring, lights confusing, papers misplaced, words forgotten....
I recall Jesus saying that He came for the sinners because the it is not the healthy that need a doctor, but the sick. In the medical field, i further know that those who do not see themselves as sick (ie a sinner) will not go to a doctor nor take his advice, even if He comes to them with the script already written and filled. **SIGH**
How horrible is it that i see my sin, and it tears me up trying o live for God and yet still sinning, and then i can see others who have no reverence for the Most High....it just makes me angry. I could not sing because i heard talking behind me. I had to just pray.
How can i love someone and hate what they are doing? how can i show my brother where he is sinning, when i myself am sinning in a different way? ughhh but are we not called to do so, in love!?
My spirit is not at rest. it is very uneasy. it is broken. it is groaning. i long to do God's will and to kill my sin and help my brothers and sisters to kill their sin, but how can i when we will not admit it! will not see it as sin! will not turn away from it! AH! What distress, the Bible puts it perfectly with calling it groaning! I long so much for just a word from God and then He goes and sends me to people to whom i can share. And it is there i see how He can use me, even when i feel that i am so useless. so powerless. so distressed. What a joy it is to be used by God, even when you least expect it.
what i find so ironic, is that those that disturbed me the most are the ones i find my deepest allies. For my sinful heart knew these people as the enemy, for they had Christ in them. Now, with Christ at my core, i see them as teammates and cheer them on for what i used to hate them for. They are not trying to put themselves higher, no, they are lifting His Name higher!
ReplyDeleteRemember if it is not for sin, we will quickly forget why we need the doctor. If it was not for sin, Jesus would not be a descendant to King David, as prophesy foretold. If it were not for sin you would not be seeking Jesus so much. There will always be temptation which has the opportunity to give birth to sin. It is better to focus on the transformation then the relapse. The birth then the fade. If you ever reach the point when you no longer sin, then you are either dead, or a Pharisee.
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