my heart broke on friday. After reading Romans chapter 7 (ie, the "i do what i dont want to do and dont do what i want to do passage), i did that which is my greatest grief-i caused a rift in the Body. I was feeling attacked and instead of remembering how Jesus acting when He was attacked (i had just seen the Passion the night prior), i got defensive. I tried to prove my point, and agreed with my brother, and yet he just got more and more heated...so in my flesh, in my sin, i kicked him out of my house. I did not know anything else to do to get him to calm down, so i just made him leave. Throughout this ordeal, my heart was racing, to the point where i felt like i was doing more than my max on the elliptical....i sent him a txt, apologizing n letting him kno i kicked him out bc i thought thats what he needed, to just get away, and that i loved him and was on the same team as him. He responded to please leave him alone. and so i shall.
In church, we had communion. I did not take it, not because i do not love Jesus, but because the rift in the Body that i created had weighed on me so strong that i could not bear to think of partaking in something as sacred as communion. I prayed, "Lord, please help me to learn to de-escalate the issues that come up, give me the wisdom and discernment to do what is right, to do Your will and what glorifies You. Or send me one who WILL step up and mediate our issues in the Body. Lord, i do not want a house divided, i want Your Body to be whole! This is my desire that Your people turn to You and bear one anothers burdens and love one another and You! I long to serve You and not break up my family, Your Body. Help me to fight for unity, Jesus. Help me to not cause issues. Restore Your Body, as we remember You rebuilding Your temple this season as we remember Your Resurrection. In the name of the risen Jesus i pray, amen!"
so what happened? we talked about forgiveness. Instead of responding, pray for them. Though he stirs anger and fright in me, my strength is in the LORD and man only has the power over me i allow him to have. I must give him over to God and trust Him to heal his heart, and mine, and the relationship if it should be healed.
I pray for you and I Becky, that God can and will help us to forgive- that He will guide us in our ways, speech and thoughts so that we will not cause anyone to stumble, but to always build others up in love no matter how we are feeling. I ask that He will grant us the grace, mercy and patience to the overflowing, so that we may bless others with the gift that has been freely given us.
ReplyDeleteYou and I both will put on the belt of truth, the breastplate of righteousness, the helmet of salvation, take up the shield of faith, shod with the sandals that are fitted with the readiness of the gospel and take up our sword of the Spirit, ready to stand and resist the devil till he flees! Let us claim the victory that Jesus has won for us.
In our imperfection, may God work in us miracles for the world to see- as salt and light of this world.
Praise God for healing our relationships with people with whom our spirit is grieved! We are filled with God's love and His grace, by faith. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!