Love Lessons

I am learning more and more each day what this LOVE is all about. And just as important, what it is not. God has been revealing so much to me this past month i am just shocked. Today when looking up the verses that say "everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial," I noticed a very important literary detail in that verse (which is actually found in 1 Corinthians TWICE-6:12( ¹² “Everything is permissible for me”—but not everything is beneficial. “Everything is permissible for me”—but I will not be mastered by anything. AND 10:23(²³ “Everything is permissible”—but not everything is beneficial. “Everything is permissible”—but not everything is constructive).)The detail i failed to notice before was the quatation marks. How foolishly i had previously allowed myself to dismiss them with no further thought. Until today, when i was seeking and God granted me a revelation. Previously, i had thought that it was Paul saying everything is permissible. With taking note of the quotation marks i see that he is citing it as another person (or people)'s words. Are these the words of Christ's disciples who love and cherish Him? or are they of the infants who have only begun to taste the freedom in Christ and choose to abuse it? The best way to use our freedom is in love. Because we are free, we are free to love and to be free from fear because THROUGH HIM we can do all things (phil 4:13), but if we are not going through Him (ie the truth, the Word, love), then what gain is there? Everything must be done in love. And what is this love? Well, I am learning these love lessons. 

John 15:13-Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. Putting others first is an act of love. To do that which is best for them, not to get any glory or any prize for yourself, but just to do it because you love them. To put your own wants and desires, even needs and very life aside for them. I am blessed to be beginning to learn this love with close friends. It is still a conscious choice to choose what is better for them over what i want, but THROUGH JESUS, i am making progress. No longer is it Becky making decisions for what is best for Becky, but Becky seeking God's answers to what is best for the ones i love and following through by the power of Jesus. 

I thought i knew what love was. I thought as long as i was happy and the object of my love was happy, that it was love. Now it is becoming clearer that the love that i experienced before was not for another person but for myself. I was focused on what i could get, how i felt, what i did. Love is not self-seeking (1 cor 13:5).  My focus needs to not be on me, but on the object of my love, whether it be my Savior or my brothers and sisters. How i can build them up. What they need. How to serve and bless them. 

These ideas of love and keeping my heavenly focus brought me to the following verse. Maybe it's just me, but i feel like my "life verse" changes with the seasons of life. All i know is that the following speaks to me in volumes. I identify with the King Nebuchadnezzar, who regained sanity when looking to the Heavens and glorified God. When i look up and refocus on Christ, i too get my sanity restored to me. And when that happens, oh yes, I praise His Holy Name!

Daniel 4:34
At the end of that time, I, Nebuchadnezzar, raised my eyes toward heaven, and my sanity was restored. Then I praised the Most High; I honored and glorified him who lives forever. His dominion is an eternal dominion; his kingdom endures from generation to generation

It is Jesus' blood that connects me to God's love :)

Elementary truth that hit me radically deeply last night. The only thing that can separate us from God is our sin. And as a Christian, Jesus' blood covers that sin, and therefore is our bridge back to being connected to God. It just hit me in such a way that i just had to share it. Maybe the way that is written speaks to you, maybe it doesnt, but that is how it hit me and when i think in that way, i know that this is why JESUS CHRIST is the most important in my life!

That being said, i find God has answered my plea to return to the place where HE is enough and i do not rely on a man or a job or a friend to provide the love and affirmation i desire and, yes, need. Recently i had lost my focus from about a month ago where i was completely complete in Christ. Somewhere along the way i remembered the world and lost sight of the only One who matters. God had the grace and mercy to bring back to feeling whole in Him. Praise Him for that! i pray to never go back to depending on anything but the One who created me for the affirmation and love that i require. Yes, it is nice to have love and affirmation from others, but what does it matter if the whole world loves me and Jesus is not in me?(Matthew 16:26 Mark 8:36 Luke 9:25) From now on, i resolve and pray to live fully relying on God for my purpose and worth!

Another thing that hit me, when thinking about the feet-washing, was the symbolism for the time period. They walked everywhere. Their feet were dirty. These things are pretty standard. But what about those commands about kicking the dust off your feet when you left an "evil" town or city? If you did not get that city's dust/dirt (analogy for sin?) off your feet where you accountable for that sin? Or even if you did shake it off, you were not COMPLETELY free from it until you washed your feet. Then Jesus washed their feet. Showing that HE is the one who wipes away the sin, the bad places you have been (sin, PAST in general). We may have walked on roads we knew were dirty and continued in them, or didn't know they were sin, or we knew they were dirty and ran right out of them. For all of these, Jesus washed our feet. He took away those sins. Washed. Clean. Humbling. Serving. And that we should do this for one another, to help each other get over our past, to be cleaned after being in the dirt (dark/sin). This could be an analogy for encouraging and building one another up, as well as keeping accountable.

Fruit of the Spirit

Why do i ever doubt Your unfailing love
Your peace that i see as a dove
The joy of You that fills my soul
Waiting patiently to find my Whole
For You oh Jesus are ever-kind
With the Father You are of One Mind
You show Your gentleness to each child
thank You for being meek and mild
To You, God, let me be ever faithful
and resist at each turn sin's strong pull
Self-controlled and good in all thiings
You are the Lord of Lord, King of Kings

thank You God for leaving us Your Holy Spirit
and all of the fruit that grow with it
help us to be more like You each day
and honor You in all we say
Live Your Spirit in us all now
For before You alone we will bow
Help us to feel and show this fruit
to show the Love and the Truth

God is teaching me daily these fruits that need to be cultivated and grown. Patience is so big for me lately it is driving me insane (so is self-control) but He is faithful (even when we are faithless!) and He is teaching me many things! Have you taken the time today to thank God for these gifts He placed in you? It makes you a much nicer person to be around. trust me ;)

out of the darkness into the light//Fave Verses for today

 I wanna see more You cuz I'm sick of more me

just wanna know when ill finally feel free

the darkness swallows me up inside

I feel my emotions like the oceans tide

drawing me deeper and further down

I can't catch my breath n kno I will drown

I need Your mercy to pull me up

I can no longer drink from this cup

I don't want to be given over to evil desire

I long to be refined in Your holy fire

to stop running away from Perfection

and look to You for my definition.

Turn the dark to light for me

I want to walk and to see

to follow Your will and obey Your commands

but I need desperately to be in Your hands

 

(Wrote that last night in bed on my cellphone as a text message to myself.  And to my best friend. The morning came with little relief so i cried out to God to give me a word because i needed so desperately His grace and mercy. He gave me Isaiah 30. He LONGS to be gracious to me?! He will!? And He guides my every step and turn! This was encouraging, but still not feeling myself. Best friend texted me and reminded me that i am not in the dark, as i have Jesus the light of the world, living in me. Though still feeling down, seeing John 8:12 as the first thing on my fb newsfeed was pretty remarkable and continued to bring me back to the light. How simple-just look to Jesus and follow Him and you will walk in the light!...then getting a text message with Jer 31:3 was amazing to remind me that God loves me! Yesterday a man reminded me that the Bible tells us not to worry. Today i remembered that it is the peace of God that will Himself guard our hearts....when we think on the things we are to think about and not be anxious (DONT WORRY!) and in EVERYTHING talk to God! Praises and requests, about EVERYTHING! So here are the verses. My prayer is that they will touch you in a special way as well!

 

V erses of the day:

¹⁸ Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you;
   he rises to show you compassion.
For the LORD is a God of justice.
   Blessed are all who wait for him!  ¹⁹ O people of Zion, who live in Jerusalem, you will weep no more. How gracious he will be when you cry for help! As soon as he hears, he will answer you. ²⁰ Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them. ²¹ Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.” (Isaiah 30:18-21)

When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life." (John 8:12)

³ The LORD appeared to us in the past,^[a] saying:    “I have loved you with an everlasting love;
   I have drawn you with loving-kindness.
⁴ I will build you up again
   and you will be rebuilt, O Virgin Israel.
Again you will take up your tambourines
   and go out to dance with the joyful. ^{(Jeremiah 31:3-4)}

⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
 ⁸ Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. (Philippians 4:6-8)

Beat down (rap)

Heavy chest and hard to breathe
close my eyes and hate what i see
the battle rages on tonight
but i will not give up the fight

feelin like i'm beat down
by chains im bound
but i know i am free
because of Jesus in me.

i feel the wieght of the war inside
it hurts so bad but i know why
You are preparing me for greater glory
and each pain is part of the story

even when im beat down
face to the ground
i lift my hands
to the Son of Man

Grace falls freely to my soul
as i feel Him make me whole
Binds up the wounds in my heart
because i know i did my part

i put this beat down
to stand my ground
encourage you to endure
because in Him you are secure

Exponential Growth

Stuck, frozen with fear
tight grip on all i hold dear
not willing to part with my stuff
not willing to let life get rough
never any changes or growth to be had
i was content being just a little bad
but then i saw the change in you
and something changed in me too
i felt more alive when i looked at the Word
and His voice i knew i heard.
He captured me anew with His life
and my greatest desire was no longer to be a wife
i started to truly see just how real Jesus is
bigger and better and wiser than this
my old ways fade away to something new
so be patient with me when i am trying with you
our struggles are long and hard i know
but it is Christ's love i'll try to show.
i know there are times i fail and fall
But i want to stand here by you through it all.
this change in me is slow but true
and it is inspired a lot by you.
So walk this path of exponential growth with me
and we will see just how good this can be.

Spirit-living-Today!

Cause and effect. It is something we learn early on in childhood, and continue to develop throughout our life. It's amazing when you add that level of spirituality to it where you KNOW that even within the laws of cause and effect, God is present and moving. I got to see some of that this week, especially today. Where to start! Honestly, i guess i would have to say this all started earlier this week, or even up to two weeks ago.
I had a choice to make. Either of the two options would be a great thing, but i chose the one that was out of my comfort zone. Either option i could get the notes from, but for some reason i just felt God calling me to the Autisim confrence. so i went. And God just opened my eyes and my heart so wide! i prayed for those that i would encounter, as well as my brothers and sisters in Christ who were on my heart. i prayed for wisdom, purity, guidance. I saw things that i thought needed change, so i prayed for Our God to have HIS will and way in our lives. Fast forward to today.

I knew it would be an important day, and maybe that was why i was so nervous and careful to pray constantly. Even a dream i had had warned me that i would have to make a choice and i resolved in my mind to chose God. I had a wonderful day at work that just encouraged me as an RN. I advocated for my patient. I was putting HIS needs before mine, as any good nurse would do but this time it really was a sacrifice on my part. No need to get into any more details other than to show that this was one step i took to say, "God, i know what i want, but i know that it is not the best. so i want what you want. i choose to desire YOUR will above mine." And it didnt turn out the way i wanted, but i was pleased because it was what GOD wanted. Oh, and he held my hand for a good half-hour or more. it was the sweetest thing...truely a gift from God

so i get home, and i am greeted with SMILES from my youngest niece who til this point has been scared of me. She actually LAUGHED and SMILED and was thoroughly enjoying me being home to play with her. I gave her kisses, tickled her, tried to hold her, and just enjoyed her innocence. Children really are such a blessing. I can still remember every smile and giggle and sloppy kiss (she's drooly, what do you expect?:)) She is truely a gift from God.

I had made plans to see a friend at that time, so while i hated to leave my sweet baby niece, i knew she had to nap soon anyway. so i left to see my friend. On the way, i prayed for patience and God's will. I prayed that i would stay away from sin and that my brothers and sisters would as well, as i often pray. I get to my friend's house and we have an awesome day, just enjoying God's creation and the beautiful day. I even took pictures of the sky (maybe more than i should have but i wanted the reminders!) Although temptation reared it's ugly head in different ways, i was able to resist the devil and he fleed (flew? fled?). (HOLY SPIRIT workin thru me-i could NOT have said no if it was me in my self!)

On my way home i was able to call a friend. I knew instantly that although she said she was fine, she was far from fine. I drove right over. The reason she had been upset was a reason that broke my heart, in a way that i had never felt before. i knew (this is the Holy Spirit's power here, by HIM ALONE did i know) that she needed me, that she needed to talk, that something big was going on. When she explained what it was, i was just in awe of how Our God works, for she was feeling just what i had prayed for her to feel and she was able to live in closer step to Jesus (and another believer!) because of it! DOUBLE WIN!

We were able to witness a beautiful event together, and while there, i met a young man with Asberger's (which is a form of autism, oh, also this week i watched a PHENOMENAL movie about autism called temple grandin-such a wonderful movie. stop reading this blog and go order it. seriously.) Ok, now that you bought the movie continue reading. So this young man, just blessed me so big just by being there. it was another way that God showed me, "look, yes, this is my child. These are my children. I love them. You love them to. I will use that love that we share for them to do great things, in their individual lives and collectively." You (the reader) may or may not think i am crazy for this, but when i do my master's thesis on something with autism and it gets published, just remember that it was GOD who said it would happen and GOD who did it through me. ok. so back to this blessing. I was able to talk to him. to calm him down. to help him feel comfortable in an overwhelming social situation. this blessed me because it showed me how God can work through me. Any help or guidance or love or anything positive he gained form tonight was THE WORK OF THE HOLY SPIRIT THROUGH ME.

The night continued as Satan attempted once more to cause me to sin. This time he laid a trap to shake my closest values, unity. He started out easy enough, with a friendly happy conversation with a good friend and sister in Christ. He quickly turned it though, so that anger and confusion and deception would leak in and ruin the wonderful night that the both of us had had. By the power of the HOLY SPIRIT, i was able to find these comforting words that i will leave you with.

Romans 12:17-19

 ¹⁷ Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. ¹⁸ If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. ¹⁹ Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,”^[a] says the Lord.