Spirit-living-Today!

Cause and effect. It is something we learn early on in childhood, and continue to develop throughout our life. It's amazing when you add that level of spirituality to it where you KNOW that even within the laws of cause and effect, God is present and moving. I got to see some of that this week, especially today. Where to start! Honestly, i guess i would have to say this all started earlier this week, or even up to two weeks ago.
I had a choice to make. Either of the two options would be a great thing, but i chose the one that was out of my comfort zone. Either option i could get the notes from, but for some reason i just felt God calling me to the Autisim confrence. so i went. And God just opened my eyes and my heart so wide! i prayed for those that i would encounter, as well as my brothers and sisters in Christ who were on my heart. i prayed for wisdom, purity, guidance. I saw things that i thought needed change, so i prayed for Our God to have HIS will and way in our lives. Fast forward to today.

I knew it would be an important day, and maybe that was why i was so nervous and careful to pray constantly. Even a dream i had had warned me that i would have to make a choice and i resolved in my mind to chose God. I had a wonderful day at work that just encouraged me as an RN. I advocated for my patient. I was putting HIS needs before mine, as any good nurse would do but this time it really was a sacrifice on my part. No need to get into any more details other than to show that this was one step i took to say, "God, i know what i want, but i know that it is not the best. so i want what you want. i choose to desire YOUR will above mine." And it didnt turn out the way i wanted, but i was pleased because it was what GOD wanted. Oh, and he held my hand for a good half-hour or more. it was the sweetest thing...truely a gift from God

so i get home, and i am greeted with SMILES from my youngest niece who til this point has been scared of me. She actually LAUGHED and SMILED and was thoroughly enjoying me being home to play with her. I gave her kisses, tickled her, tried to hold her, and just enjoyed her innocence. Children really are such a blessing. I can still remember every smile and giggle and sloppy kiss (she's drooly, what do you expect?:)) She is truely a gift from God.

I had made plans to see a friend at that time, so while i hated to leave my sweet baby niece, i knew she had to nap soon anyway. so i left to see my friend. On the way, i prayed for patience and God's will. I prayed that i would stay away from sin and that my brothers and sisters would as well, as i often pray. I get to my friend's house and we have an awesome day, just enjoying God's creation and the beautiful day. I even took pictures of the sky (maybe more than i should have but i wanted the reminders!) Although temptation reared it's ugly head in different ways, i was able to resist the devil and he fleed (flew? fled?). (HOLY SPIRIT workin thru me-i could NOT have said no if it was me in my self!)

On my way home i was able to call a friend. I knew instantly that although she said she was fine, she was far from fine. I drove right over. The reason she had been upset was a reason that broke my heart, in a way that i had never felt before. i knew (this is the Holy Spirit's power here, by HIM ALONE did i know) that she needed me, that she needed to talk, that something big was going on. When she explained what it was, i was just in awe of how Our God works, for she was feeling just what i had prayed for her to feel and she was able to live in closer step to Jesus (and another believer!) because of it! DOUBLE WIN!

We were able to witness a beautiful event together, and while there, i met a young man with Asberger's (which is a form of autism, oh, also this week i watched a PHENOMENAL movie about autism called temple grandin-such a wonderful movie. stop reading this blog and go order it. seriously.) Ok, now that you bought the movie continue reading. So this young man, just blessed me so big just by being there. it was another way that God showed me, "look, yes, this is my child. These are my children. I love them. You love them to. I will use that love that we share for them to do great things, in their individual lives and collectively." You (the reader) may or may not think i am crazy for this, but when i do my master's thesis on something with autism and it gets published, just remember that it was GOD who said it would happen and GOD who did it through me. ok. so back to this blessing. I was able to talk to him. to calm him down. to help him feel comfortable in an overwhelming social situation. this blessed me because it showed me how God can work through me. Any help or guidance or love or anything positive he gained form tonight was THE WORK OF THE HOLY SPIRIT THROUGH ME.

The night continued as Satan attempted once more to cause me to sin. This time he laid a trap to shake my closest values, unity. He started out easy enough, with a friendly happy conversation with a good friend and sister in Christ. He quickly turned it though, so that anger and confusion and deception would leak in and ruin the wonderful night that the both of us had had. By the power of the HOLY SPIRIT, i was able to find these comforting words that i will leave you with.

Romans 12:17-19

 ¹⁷ Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. ¹⁸ If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. ¹⁹ Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,”^[a] says the Lord.

The change in me

Lost in a downward spiral
trying to be the coolest girl
wanting to please any man
in any way that i can
just to feel loved and alive
but each moment i would die.

momentary pleasure for lasting pain
this memory would be my gain
nothing new or better would come
and I'd be left just feeling dumb

As i've grown over the years
and spilled way too many tears
being used is not my purpose
i am not a target for curses

Jesus showed me a better Way
that i am loved, every day,
i'm not a toy that can be thrown
or traded away for another loan

i dont need to let you have me
you no longer get to use me
how much simpler it would be
if you could just see this change in me

i do not run to your arms
that promise love and bring me harm
you tease and test and hurt me all day
and then say sorry like it takes it away

no! im done! you cant have me any more!
though you hold on tight, i'm running out the door
i don't need your kiss to tell me im important
and i am tired of you telling me that i cant

you dont own this heart, though you once did
i am no longer yours on whom to bid
i don't want that life anymore, i am NEW
so away from me with your evil spew!

i want to live righteously in Christ
and not have my heart by sin be diced
Please, friends, see the change in me!
and do not think i am who i used to be!

Don't keep me down in my past by bringing it up
remember and remind me i've drank Christ's cup!
i no longer choose that sin that ensnared me so!
so when you see it creep near me, please tell it to GO

i long to live as new as can be
oh can't you see this change in me?
i feel it in my heart, it's true!
but why oh why wont you?

yes i still struggle and hurt inside
but each new day i no longer hide
Jesus saves me from my sin
for whenever i fall, His grace rushes in

so please forget the old that you knew
she doesn't exist, she is made new!
notice this change in me
and hold me to it, to be all i was made to be

Sin

What an ugly, foul, disgusting thing sin is! We must kill it. Daily, hourly, minutely, secondly....."flee temptation" "resist the devil and he will flee from you" "dead to sin in Christ's death and raised to walk with Him in new life." There are so many sayings, from the Bible, from the pulpit and from the heart, but how can we apply all of this?
Less than a week ago i asked some close friends, "When does a Christian stop sinning? or do we ever?" This question was met with emphatic "nope"s "never"s, and "we are always striving, never perfect"s. Scripture was used to back up their responses, but it just didn't sit well with me. Yeah, im not saying im ever gonna be completely perfect, but i can, excuse me-THROUGH JESUS i can--conquer this particular sin that still has me in bondage, right!? I MUST. He commands us "be Holy, for I am Holy." yet even PAUL struggled with sin, he was given a "thorn in [his] side to keep [him] humble" and is famous for "I do what i do not want to do and do not do that what i want to do." If PAUL couldn't conquer sin then we can't either right?
But what about sanctification. Is that just to say that because we call on Jesus as our Savior that we are set apart and even when we do sin that we have Jesus to make us sanctified even when we knowingly sin?! And yet, this is also answered to the disciples in that NO--do NOT go on sinning to just receive more grace.  So it all comes down to this-we sin because we are disobedient and not fully submitting to God. I want to be completely surrendered to God. I do not want to keep on sinning. I do not want this "thorn in my side" to keep me humble! I feel that i can be humbled without it! With it i feel i am the worst hypocrite of all! (And this i have said)
--side note, (i love where Paul "talks as a fool" in "boasting" with how he is a better Jew etc just to show that the only boasting should be in Christ! He alone is worthy :))
This Christianity thing, it's more than a "religion" to me. It's more than "a way of life." It's the only life. If i cannot be all in, im not in it at all. For as much of a balanced girl i try to be, this is the one thing in my life i MUST be radical about. This is the ONE thing that i WILL be radical about and will not back down. Christ is the center of all i do. I must make that the honest truth and live to make His name high. This means killing my sin. This means i can no longer do the "things of the flesh," nor even think on them. Man! I must live under a rock! maybe. Maybe i just need to remember i am Not Of This World