Forty

Anyone who knows me and has had a major conversation with me should know I'm into numbers. In a big way. (That phrase right there, with the words being 2+1(3), 3, 3 (which, of course, was 3 3s...) was calculated subconsciously)

So when I heard that it takes 40 days to kick a habit or addiction (or make a new one), I decided that would be my chance to really stick to this fitness thing. But since I also like simple dates, I chose to start may 1 and keep it up til Kenya (june 18).

So what is included in this 40(+) day adventure of mine? I'm glad you asked! :) maybe you can help keep me accountable/encourage me....
1) no fast food. If it has a drive thru, I'm not stopping. Also giving up chips. Props to Dani for doing this with me!:)
2) exercize EVERY DAY. Some days are praisercize. Props to MaryBeth for this. Some days may be tredmill/eliptical. Some may be outside walks. Some may be swimming. All must be active:)

Now, thinking of the number 40 brings two scriptures to mind. One is the 40 years the Israelites spent in the desert bc of disobedience. The second is Jesus spending 40 days in the wilderness being tempted after being baptised. 40. A dreaded number. Full-time hours? 40/wk. Midlife crisis? 40 yrs old?(now older I think!) But back to scripture.

Jesus, the Word made flesh, knew the scriptures. He breathed them, wrote them, experienced them....so when He spend 40....was He thinking of the Israelites? I know that wasn't what satan tempted my Lord with, but I wonder if there was any discouragement in being alone for 40 days....but somehow I find peace in knowing that His answers to the devil's temptations were always scripture. Could that have helped keep His mind renewed and from being discouraged? Just a couple late night thoughts....

Short prayer for staying in Christ :)

Lord help me to do what is right in Your sight
Of the Evil One's line let me not bite
Help me for righteousness alone to fight
Not in my strength but Your strong might!

When temptation seizes my very being
Let that temptation be what I'm fleeing
Bring me back to stand on Your Word
And away from it let me not be lured!

Oh God I plead that I stay steadfast!
Will that my loyalty and commitment last!
Keep me on the path You have laid
Let Your light for me never fade!

mawwage

Just thinking....when/if I get married, I don't want the hottest/cutest/most attractive, strongest, funniest, smartest, richest, or even the most well-versed. I simply want the man with whom I can create an accurate picture of Christ and His Bride the Church. Someone willing to lead me and lay down his life for me, someone who's life ambition is glorifying God. Someone who I can submit to because he's ahead of me faith and truth.

If you are in a relationship, do you have what you want?
If you are single and looking, are you looking for what you want?
If you are thinking you will ever get married, do you KNOW what you want?
(Not necessarily ?s to answer to me, but to yourself and to ask God)

is there someone that you have not talked to in a while and are just burning with stuff to tell them? someone that you just LONG to be in conversation with, to be with, to see? Do you know how it is when even though you saw the person a couple days ago, and it was a really great time, you want to see them again, soon? Who are you thinking of? anyone? i know i am. And i know God is thinking of YOU! No matter how long ago you spent time with Him, no matter how great it was, He still wants to spend more time with you! :) Because He loves you. I'm gonna go talk to Him now and tell Him all those wonderful things i cant wait to tell the other person ;) <3 God You are so GOOD! always bringing me back around to see how YOU are my Husband! <3 I love you. So much!

explainations

lately, i have been getting the question "why?" asked of me. Why are you giving up facebook? why did you give up naps for lent? why did you like so-and-so? why are you wearing your ring again? why are you going to Kenya? why are you hanging out with those people? why are you not texting boys anymore? This blog is hopes to answer some of these.

First off, why am i writing this blog. Well, i just said to answer those questions. But a deeper answer is to provide an answer of hope in Jesus. It's great, because i could answer all those questions in just one word. Jesus. If you still don't get it. Let me give you 3 words. Jesus is enough. But for further explaination, read on.

WHY GIVE UP FACEBOOK? I am giving up facebook because, quite honestly, i was on it way to much. i was addicted. am addicted. and with the small measure of self-control i exercise, it was unhealthy. So i must build up that selfcontrol muscle before returning. For more blunt answer, i was on it more than i was with God. I would do my devos aprox 5 min then fb aprox 5 hrs. no exaggeration. what's more, is the people i would check up on would encourage me...but there were others that i should not have been checking up on that just brought me down. I dont want to be keeping tabs on people or wishing they would talk to me. Jesus is enough.

WHY GIVE UP NAPS FOR LENT? Naps were my way of dealing with my loneliness. instead of going to God, i would go to sleep. It kept me from doing the things i was supposed to do, like meet with friends, exercise, everything. So i gave them up to experience what God had for me in each day.And let me tell you, there was a lot i would have missed! I thought sleep would cover my loneliness and boredom. But it didnt. and giving up naps showed, Jesus is enough.

WHY DID YOU LIKE HIM?  Ironically, this question is gonna be answered in two different ways. One, why HIM, two why DID?
Why HIM. Because i saw Jesus in him. and i was lonely. And i thought that was what i wanted. For me, i thought a man who is in love with Jesus is enough.
Why DID? I found that Jesus is enough. For me. I dont need a man. I dont need to be affirmed by a man to know that i am special. i am loved by God. Jesus is enough.

WHY WEAR A RING? It is also twofold. One, seeing all the hardships of marriage and raising kids, im realizing that i am not ready for it so why keep myself open to it. Jesus is enough, i dont need a husband and kids for my value. Two, The Lord my Maker is my Husband. I AM married! to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Jesus is enough.

WHY GO TO KENYA? This is simple. Irony again in that the hardest question has the easiest answer. God said so. Take care of the orphans and widows in their distress. Well, to me specifically He said, go to the orphanage. I asked which one and He replied via txt from a pastor inviting me on this trip. Throughout the past months He has given me multiple signs of confirmation that i am to go. And not just in November, but in June.  With Chariots. This is not something i will back down on. Look how God has been faithful in all the other areas. He will take care of me in Kenya, especially because He called me there! Jesus is enough.

WHY THOSE PEOPLE? see "why did i like him." I see Jesus in them. they bring out the Jesus in me. They dont worry about what people think, if they look fake bc they love Jesus so much. Look at their life. They actually DO love and follow Jesus that much. Not only do they say Jesus is enough, they SHOW they BELIEVE Jesus is enough. and being with them, I too know, Jesus is enough!

WHY STOP TEXTING BOYS? What a great question to end with, because really, you can see the answer throughout all the others. Like facebook, boys are a big distraction (shocker right?:-p) So the less time i spend on them, such as texting them, the more time i have for God and my girlfriends. I made a list of 27 girls that i wish i spent more time with. And thats NOT including family....(therefore, the number would be MUCH higher because i do want to spend time with all of my family too!) like naps, texting boys take up the time i could spend with/text other girls. Like when i liked so-and-so, texting boys makes me think that this guy im texting is great because he is there and loves Jesus, but causes me to forget Jesus is enough. like wearing my ring simbolizes i am not ready to find my husband, my ceasing to text boys is a way to remind myself that i am not ready to think about being available to a guy any time he feels like texting me, nor is any guy mine to text at any time i want. Like going to Kenya, i know God will provide and take care of me even if i am not texting boys. God will still bring the right guy at the right time. Just like He has put this trip to Kenya in place at the right time and is the right place. like the people i am now spending time with, i want Jesus to shine through in all i do. not saying Jesus wouldnt txt girls, but i know He wouldnt with the heart that i have had...after all, Jesus's closest disciples were of the male gender just as Jesus was. I want to follow that example. Jesus is enough.

Worth it

Am i worth the commitment
am i worth the pain the struggles the hurt
i am worth the work, the discipline, the wait
am i worth my past, my present, my future
Worth the nails, worth the cross,
worth the blood, being scorned by God
worth the tears, worth the fears.
God says i'm worth it, but man says i'm not
God stands eternal, man is not.
God is steadfast, constant and true.
Why do i care when man deems me unworthy,
when i have a God Who makes me worthy!
And HE is worth it.
Worth the commitment
worth the pain the struggles and hurt
worth the WORK the discipline the wait
worth turning away from the past
worth giving my present into His hands
worth trusting the future is all He has planned
He's worth all the tears and facing my fears.
And He makes me worth it too.

So next time a man says im not worth his time,
says girls like me are a dozen a dime,
i can just shake my head and walk on by
because of Jesus, i AM a prize.
 It's HIS opinion that matters alone,
not a text, a message on the phone.
God defines my worth based on Christ's blood
that covers my sins, my failures, my crud.
Though i know man see my flaws and shameful past,
even my shaky present, and unsure future they cant see past
But if all could close their eyes and see with love
maybe this world would feel peace like a dove

im worth the suffering, the pain, the effort.
i know being with me is going to hurt.
but know that i am on my way,
walking the straight and narrow more each day.
yes i slip and fall back down
and make Jesus cry and frown,
but He died once for ALL my sin
and we are family, you're my kin.
Because of Him, i am worth it
Because of Him, you are worth it.
Because over ALL- HE is worth it.

Answered prayers and patience

im confused. Completely and totally taken aback. I'm doing everything i know to be right and in line with God in this, and then it's gone....I'm following Him in obedience to Kenya. I'm giving Him all the glory for taking me and putting it on my heart. I'm making sure to make everything about Him because i know without Him none of this would be happening. So when i found out i was losing my one case, it didnt come as a shock, and i knew that God would bring something to replace it. This case is half my paycheck, or more. Two hours after finding out my last day, i get a phone call with details on the PERFECT FIT case. 10 hour day on Friday in an area that i would already be in on Fridays! PRAISE GOD! I was so excited i proceeded to tell everyone how good God is for this timing was amazing--i didnt have time to worry! haha! And then a call today saying that the case doesnt want me because i'm going away for a long time over the summer. **shoulders drop, big sigh**i just don't get it. It was perfect! What is God trying to teach me here? that sometimes He takes away that which we thought was perfect because He can? because He has better? Because it's just not time yet? I dont know. But either way, no matter what happens, I will continue to praise my God and tell of the great things He is doing!

Because guess what?

I"M GOING TO KENYA!!!

But another wonderful thing that is helping me to not worry about work...well, let me tell you the story. Of course, it involves my dream man...

So i was finally spending all my time with this man that i was totally into. He was everything i wanted and i was so happy and thanking God for him! Long story short, we stopped spending so much time together (i was getting clingy, go figure haha) but i still hurt because i had given my heart to him (though i know i shouldnt have and it wasnt mine to give yadda yadda i think i wrote this part already?). So this past week and weekend was a lot of crying out to God about that and mourning the loss of this dream man, and asking God to take away my desire for him and replace it with a deeper faith in God. A few hours later i find out an old friend is in the area. The next day we spend just 2 hours together and in those 2 hours God used him to refocus me and remind me what i really want. To ask me what i really want. So i discovered some things that i had been compromising on that i didnt need to. there were desires that i had that were not being met by my dream man. Therefore he was not my dream man all along. So i praise God that He answered my plea for being freed from the desire for something i cannot have (in this case a particular relationship) and increased my faith in Him by bringing back a part of my life i had forgotten was so sweet. After just two hours of being treated like a princess i remembered who i am. a child of the King. a princess who can wait for the prince. <3