"Back to December"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jjar7np_wuE&feature=topvideos

(the vid is to "Back to December by Taylor Swift," a song that just showed up again on my youtube list that i heard before.....and now it brought back the same emotions and thoughts....but also some new ones...here is the new thought, the ones that matter)

One of my "fb friends" (she is a real friend too, but just havent seen her in awhile, anyways) had a question up of "if you could time travel where would you go?" At first i didnt think much of it. Then i heard this song. First thought was to remember what it meant to me first: that i left a man that loved me more than i have ever felt. Newest realization, i left him more than once. I can't "go back to December" bc "December" was, well, according to him, about every two weeks.....So every two weeks I'm singing this song of coming back, but then leaving again. (Unfortunately, when i listen to Swift i remember all the good in him.....) This is the same old realization about this song.

The new realization is the reason for the post. How often is this how we treat Jesus? He gives all His love ("you gave me roses n i left them there to die"is such an illustration! Remember the cross? the crown of thorns....where He died.....but that was Him giving ALL for us....and how many just throw away that beautiful gift He gave us!) So Jesus did all of these wonderful things for us, and we take it for granted. then, when we realize how much He did for us, we wish we could go back in time and devote ourselves to Him sooner! My younger friends, PLEASE see this. I wish i would have realized this when i was younger. This is key. Your testimony is STRONGER when you STAY closer to Jesus! Let me say it again. You do not need to commit a "big" sin to have a good testimony! If you read about Paul, He uses the "human argument" and explains how if there was a person that lived right it was him. And yet he considered all his works NO GOOD compared to JESUS! Even if you think you lived too perfect of a life to be a testimony for Jesus, you are not! you still need Him and your testimony is still good! You get to say, "look, see the terrible things God has protected me from! I never was thrown into jail for stealing, never been bankrupt from gambling...." and look at all of the promises and good things God has in store for those that obey Him and follow Him! Heaven will be so sweet for those who turn their lives over to Jesus!
And for those that HAVE been thrown into jail for stealing, been bankrupt from gambling....Jesus came to cover that sin! He came so that you will not be eternally damned for it! yes you have your consequences, as we all do, but Jesus lets you live forever with Him! how wonderful! all you must do is repent, which simply means admit you did it, admit it was wrong, ask for forgiveness, and turn away from it. stop doing it. Stop saying "i wish i could go back to December and not **insert sin**" time and time again. i say this to myself as well, stop continuing in the ways of evil, for i am no longer in bondage to my sin nature, i can chose to turn away from it! "So this is me swallowing my pride, saying i'm sorry for that night" and then STOP running away from Him.

Ironically, in the middle of writing this blog, i wrote a song about this because i had a realization that my relationship with Christ parallels with my relationship with man in this way.

it's always the same

  God, I don’t know what I want. I just know what I am right now is not it. I am stuck in the middle and can’t make myself move. Am I so afraid of rejection so afraid of failure that I refuse to give my all one way or another? And yet I am so passionate I do push through everything to just be on the far right side and when I find that is not satisfying to my whole self, namely the left, I run to the left to satisfy that. Why am I such a yo-yo? A roller-coaster at least has twists and turns and sometimes a slower pace or shorter distance to the opposite side, but with me, its always the same. Its always, “im gonna give God EVERYTHING and just live for HIM and not care about what other people think!” but then im right back to “im lonely and God you aren’t here so I want something now” then realize that is not satisfying to my soul so I run to God and leave all people behind. I hate this back and forth, this constant battle, this constant struggle! It is not good for man to be alone, so why can I not find someone to join me? Is it that I myself am so annoying that those who are like-minded in Christ ignore that we are of the same Spirit so they do not have to associate with me? I wonder if the people that love me for me more are those who are not in love with Jesus…..isn’t that sad?

Protection, Prayer and Petitions....

What a change. for all of you who say that i can't be single, just look at me now! Though i would love to meet my future husband, get married and have kids, right now i am focusing on what God wants. (side note, i hope no one reads this and doubt anyone will but that is a good thing bc there have been many times this week that i was reminded "proclaim the gospel always, when necessary, use words":)) so back to the point. I am so glad that God IS filling me with Himself and proving that He is more than enough. I have two men in my life right now who have expressed interest in me, and yet i did not feel God's hand in the relationship. It is devastating to tell someone who i thought i would marry that i cannot speak to them in order to protect ourselves...it is hard to hear a man say he finally has time for me and for me to have to say  it still wouldnt work.....
I pray God gives me a peace about the man i am to marry, and to let me kno, and to let him know....i dont wanna just mess around with my heart anymore. the next one is for keeps. i love getting to know the young men God has put in my life. all of them are teaching me something special. Everything from:have patience, don't expect too much, don't settle for too little, God's got a better plan, and everyone enters your life for a reason....
I can literally feel someone praying for me. Whoever it was, thank you! It is one of the coolest feelings in the world. I was so weak and so weary, and yet God gave me the strength to continue home without making the pitstop to "check on a friend"....He grants me the strength to say no to those who are wrong for me and to hold out for the one who is right. And if God wills me to be single my whole life, i will live and love Jesus just as whole-heartedly as ever!

my letter to God

Dear God,
Thank You so much for all You have done for me. For Who You are, for the gift of salvation thru Jesus Christ. thank You for so many blessings i could list them for days! Forgive my impatience and my longing for that which is not mine. Help me to be able to see what it is YOU have for me, and not just what i want for myself. God, i want to wait for Your timing and Your plan, for i know it is better than mine. God, please be strong in my weakness of the moments where i want my own way. In those times build in me the endurance to see that what You have in store for me is so much better than what i am seeing now! and i DO believe it God! i know You have such great things planned for me, ways of using me that i could not imagine! God i cannot wait to have You use me in any way You will! i want to just glorify You with my whole life! Help me to do this God. Help me to see Your path and to follow it. Help me to stay away from those that bring me down and to be able to lift up those who are hurting. God, You have given me so many gifts that i just cannot even begin to mention! You are so generous! so caring! so loving! And so patient. God, i pray for this patience to wait, actively preparing myself for what You have in store for me. God show me Your will for my life. Help me to see that my desire for the love of my husband has already been experienced by seeing how You love Your Church, and take away this desire for a husband of my own if it is not of You. God, i only want for myself what You want for me, and if it is to be single forever then so be it. I trust You LORD. You are in control and You know what is best for me. Take me. Have me. All of me.
In Jesus's Holy and Precious Name,
AMEN

Merry Christmas!

How lame is this, writing a blog on Christmas Day! And yet, i must! I cannot remember being more excited for Christmas than i am today, EVER! When i was a child, getting the newest and best toys, i wasnt even this excited. You want to know why? Of course you do. That's why i wrote this and that is why you read this.
The reason i am so excited about this Christmas is...i'm realizing that this is the day when all creation sings of His glory! This is the day that more people acknowledge Jesus, some even do so unknowingly! How amazing! Today is the day that we can FEEL more people in the body because of this. This is why i am so excited! Because God is being glorified through His Son Christ Jesus today as people who normally don't pick up the Bible are reading the story in the gospel of Luke of a baby born to a virgin! Or people who normally don't step inside a church, attend a service and feel His Spirit. Or those that are wholly devoted to Him can speak His name without persecution! Oh what a wonderful holiday! Praise God!

It is important, to remember as well, the harmony of the birth and death (AND RESURRECTION!) of Jesus. He was laid in wood when He was born and nailed to wood to die. Now He rules in our hearts and lives. He was born to die, and to give us eternal life. What a miracle, what a gift.

Now that you have received the Perfect Gift, what will you do with Him?

Gender roles

Eve took the apple to her husband, and her husband took HER LEAD. What would have happened if Adam would have told his wife that he will lead her and not eat the apple that his leader, God, told him to not eat....and how many times do we still try to lead our men in the wrong direction.

STOP BEING JEZEBEL!


MEN-LEAD!
WOMEN-ALLOW HIM TO LEAD!

Direction and Purpose

We all are looking for it. Whether we go in the direction of fame, riches, success...or Jesus, humility, love. It's our PURPOSE--why we are here, what this life is all about. At different points in our lives, our direction and purpose may change. Let me change that. Our direction, the way that we take, may change, but our purpose, what we are created for, will always stay the same. Your purpose, my purpose, Michael Jackson's purpose, your mom's purpose, EVERYONE is to grow in relationship, most importantly, with Christ. This is the highest purpose. Now, how to get there, and what to do with it, that is where we come up with all our questions. For those who do not grow in relationship with Christ, they experience great distress in thinking about their future and what their purpose is. They wander around, seeking fame and fortune, but nothing fills the God-sized hole. It is because they are not fulfilling their purpose. they may, however, being going in the direction, because God uses all sorts of things to get our attention.

So what about those who DO follow Christ and do not have a more specific purpose figured out? there are many of us who are following Christ and growing in relationship with Him, and we ask God to show us what He would have us do for Him. Sometimes, His answer is "wait" sometimes it is "go." It can show us our impatience when we ask God to send us and He tells us wait. I know I struggle with that. There have been short missions trips that i have gone on, and i loved them and want to do so much for the Kingdom of God! I just ask God to show me where He wants me to go, to send me and He says wait. He tells me there is work to do here. So i ask for His guidance on that....

So i think i got off tangent.  ugh, this is why i am not a teacher :-p