Sunday, July 29, 2012

Poem to my husband

Future husband, can't you see?
I'm busy being who God made me.
I don't have time to think about you
I need to look and grow, improve.
I can't be focused on who you are,
What we could be, whether near or far.
I won't allow my time to be wasted,
I know the Lord is good, this I have tasted.
So see me where I am and who I am and how
Because this is the present, and this is me now

Each day I pray for you I wonder what's wrong
What is it that is keeping our wait so long?
Are you failing to notice me, or me to catch your heart?
Am I failing to display virtue, failing in my part?
Or do we already know and we are just scared?
Feeling so young and so ill-prepared?
Husband I love you, already tonight.
So if you love me too, why put up this fight?
If you already know, if God has made it clear,
Then why, dear love, why do we fear?

Only the Lord my Maker is Husband.
I come alive, beautiful in His hand.
On Him alone can I count and depend
Knowing my honor only He can defend.
I cannot think of a mere mortal man
When I think of prince charming taking my hand.
Only This King could capture my heart
And be the One from whom I never depart.
Oh Heavenly Husband I ask this of You:
Bind me and make me to You always true!
Let no earthly man, mine or not,
Take from You this princess You bought!

quick thought before church....

thinking about Jesus as I prepare for church. I got to thinking...so the Jews didn't get what they were expecting with the Messiah. they were seeing someone to come in and save them from Rome...but God had in mind to save them from an ETERNITY of Hell. what is it that we expect God to answer in one way and yet He answers in a different, BETTER way? one thing i thought of was marriage (no surprise there!) i know when i think about what i want in a husband and God reminds me He is my husband (isa55:4) i am floored.with how much better my Heavenly Husband is than any man i could dream up! so it is my prayer, that whenever my dreams are smaller than God s, that He will show me and help me walk in His

Monday, July 23, 2012

Post-Kenya Summer 2012 Trip

Here is what so may have been waiting for. When you ask me, "How was Kenya?" and i reply, "absolutely amazing and completely life-changing!" i am not exaggerating. I know it is hard to believe that this 5 year Spanish taker, heat-hating, America-loving, comfort junky actually changed in Africa, but it happened. I didn't plan to go to Africa until it hit me. It wasn't on my radar, my first connection to Africa fizzled and i wasn't even feeling it. Maybe it was just the wrong timing.

I should just type up some notes from the journal i wrote while i was preparing for, and then in Kenya, but maybe later. Right now, this is what i have to say. Kenya literally changed my life. I left with my life in ruins and returned with it in even more ruins (if we can even imagine that!), but with a lot more peace. Yes, you read that right. More stress, but more peace. And the amount of peace doesn't even compare to that of stress. I have truly been able to adopt the attitude of, "sawa sawa" or "it's ok" for you English-speakers.
Most of you know, or maybe not, that before i left my laptop's trackpad stopped tracking, my cellphone stopped charging(and holding a charge), my bff stopped being forever, and my potential job started rolling (after about a year of waiting and praying). Oh, and boy issues, as always, but that wasn't on the forefront of my mind.
From the time we got dropped off in the airport, God proved to us that He would show up when we cry out to Him. That He is not far away, that He hears. That He responds. That He cares, even about the littlest things. And the biggest things....so many stories to tell but instead of putting them here, i want to put the lesson learned. That God is faithful and i can trust Him no matter what. When i was scared about being alone, He showed He is faithful. When i was scared to go on a mutatu, He showed me i can trust Him. When i was feeling just a little sick, He showed me He answers prayers, in His timing, in His way, with who He chooses. When i hit conflict, He showed that He is sovereign still. When i hit another conflict, He showed that He surrounds me with people that can help. When i was frustrated, He reminded me that "You will keep in perfect peace(A)
    him whose mind is steadfast
    because he trusts(B) in you." (Isaiah 26:3 NIV84)...so many lessons, so many times.
 Ok, some stories, just so you don't think i was there just to learn. I did help out! Haha. There were about 120 assessments to finish. These wellbeing assessments included a physical, spiritual, emotional, social, and educational section, as well as a health tracking form. Each section had 10 statements each child was to rate and the health tracking form included some extra questions, as well as checking eyes and teeth, height and weight. I also took pictures of each child to send to their sponsors, and helped with packing the letters as well. I lead devotions every night, gave the kids a quiz on the things i taught and even preached a Sunday service. In Kitui, the baby home, i helped to prepare meals for the babies, change and bathe the babies, and even got to take blood! The most important thing i think from the month, was sharing the love of Christ and seeing 29 children give thier lives to Christ. I pray for them and that they continue in knowing Christ more each day! More stories and details to come:) Check fb for pictures.

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Last Post before Kenya/Letter to God

Dear God, You are completely good, and perfect, and just, and holy. Your Word tells me that You have good plans for me, and that all things will work out together for the good. You also tell me that i will suffer. and if i suffer for You that is a good thing. Help make me more mature and complete. And i know i have been asking You to make me more mature and complete, and to use me and let me share in Your sufferings, but really? You think i can handle all this? You know i cant. You know this is the tipping point and there is no other place i can go but to You and Your arms. And i thank You. And i praise You. That though this has been the hardest couple weeks of my life, that though You are taking EVERYTHING i once held dear away, i know YOU are in control and You are GOOD! I know that this trial i am in is not because You hate me, but that You discipline those You love.That those who join in Your suffering will also join in Your righteousness. and for that reason i count each insult, each jab, each hurt as gain.

This world has nothing for me i will follow YOU! Right into Kenya...

If you read this, please pray that God continues to mature me, but that i will be able to endure, keep my focus on Him and not lose faith hope or love....thanks and much love!

Friday, June 1, 2012

Victory in Christ-the CBAs

It's the best, most freeing and real thing I've ever felt. Better than appreciation, hardwork, food, sleep.com ANYTHING! Its funny, because God really does like to do things "backwards" from our human thinking.
First we have to C victory in Christ. C it exsists, c it in our life.
Then BELIEVE. Believe it can happen for us, that we can feel it and that it is there even if we Don't feel it. Believe that we HAVE victory in Christ bc HE SAID SO
Lastly, ACT in a way that shows you c and believe in victory in Christ in your life!

:)

Freedom has never felt this free before. Praise God for this level of freedom!

Monday, May 21, 2012

Flowers of differing stages

So I saw this branch on my table at valley forge park.  I noticed 2 flowers on it, but when I looked closer, I also saw 2 buds. Each of these four stages of "new growth"(one of my mom's favorte phrases:)) was slightly different from the next. First, look at the beautiful flower. Its perfect, compared to the other flower at least. The other flower looks either old or eaten up. But if the other flower was not on the branch, would we know what the flower was supposed to look like? Maybe I would have not noticed the rest of the branch....the buds. One is starting to bloom, but still not quite like the beautiful flower. Looking closer, there is also a fully closed bud with no flower yet showing.

This, along with all of my encounters with john 15, led me to wonder which stage of bloom I am in. Surely I am not yet the perfect beautiful flower, but am I the tattered flower? Have I bloomed only to be eaten by satan? No, because tho I have my moments of doubt, i am not torn apart. am i
not yet bloomed? a mere bud? and yet, there can be fruit/Flowers seen in
my life.

later, after this above post,i saw a case for sale with a tree with roots and heartsas flowers. it immediately reminded me of Jeremiah 17:8 & psalm 1:3..which i have now put on the case as well as John 15. all good reminders to what fruit i am growing and where my roots are. :)


Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Tired of fighting-only HE has the power

I'm so tired.
Tired of the fight
Of running from Your Light
And running from True Life.
I'm tired of my flesh controlling
And my soul not patroling
My soul asleep in the midst of the war
Cannot protect, so my heart is torn

I'm tired of the arguements
Of lies and untaken hints
So tired of trying to prove right
That you've wronged me in my sight
That you don't know the Truth that you do
And so, again, I have lost you.

I'm tired of the manipulation,
Trying to control every relation.
Playing mind games to "win" their love
When all I want is the One Above.
Using whatever I can to gain a "friend"
Only to find it didn't work in the end.

I know I'm the wrong in each situation
Because I'm so tired of being alone.
But do I prefer the confusion and chaos
Or can I finally see that I am not lost?
That Your hand guides along still waters
And I will rejoice with your other daughters.

I keep striving and going and reaching
Keep yearning and learning and teaching.
But the problem through it all is the me and the I
Because now I know that You are the only guy
Who can do all I fail to do, Jesus alone! Not me
And He doesn't even need my help, its not we.

In His power alone I get through the day
Rise up on wings like eagles as they say.
But it is all His power within me
That produces anything of beauty
So why try and yearn and strive
When all I have to do is abide

God, thank You for showing me this throughout the events of the day. That everything in and of my self is utterly worthless, but in every area that You have restored, redeemed, renewed, there can be good to spring out, but only in Your power. Apart from You I am nothing. Let me ever abide in You. Let me never lose my sight of the Vine nor the Vinedressor. Let my fruit be ever ripening and the pruning well worth the trouble and pain. In Jesus's name alone, where there is the power to change all things, amen.