can't force a connection

it took me a while to see
but now You are telling me
i can't force a connection
i can't stop the rejection
just because it is my desire
doesn't mean it's been refined by fire
Looking good on paper isn't enough
This road is tougher than tough
i know You said it would be hard
but i didnt know it'd be like digesting lard
with chains on his heart, closed and barred
 I just want a little assurance
just one slow dance
for him to tell me how he feels
for me to know Your Word heals
He doesnt show me what i need
and on Your Word alone i should feed

i cant force a connection
i wont face the rejection
im stuck in a tight space
and all i wanna see is Your face
Guide me Lord lest i fall
Grant me faith, even so small
Direct my thoughts in the right way
Give me the words that i must say
If oil and water cant combine
and this man is not to be mine
make it clear in every sense
because you know my head is dense


Is it supposed to be this difficult
walking on eggshells so he doesnt bolt
and even so crushing a few
but i will rely on You
let me lean into Your strong arms
when all i hear are the harms
when i am beat down on my face
let me experience Your grace
the friction helps to buffer out the blemish
but i dont want my joy to deminish

Thank You God i dont need to fight for Your love
This connection we have is more than enough
You hold me close and love me right
even when i push and shove and fight
cant force a connection to You though
So to You i humbly bow low
knowing it's by Your mercy and grace
that i can pray and seek Your face.

When all other things in life are hard
You are my constant my Lord
Though other connections cause friction and burn
it is for You alone i will yearn
Teach me Your ways and to mold more like You
to fit completely and be held on with glue
tighter than any connection i long for
Closer to You, i want more
You be the positive that draws out my negitive
You bring me back from the dead so that i live
bind our connection in Heaven and earth
let me find in You my true worth.

No other connection can be as strong
so i will not fear when they go wrong
i can't force a connection with anyone
but why would i want to when i have the Son





When God told me this would be the year of purging and purity, i didnt know it was gonna hurt this much. #being refined and redeemed by God's holy fire

im starting to realize that PATIENCE is not JUST waiting, but having a joyful attitude while we wait. God shared that with me today and i was like, "really?! i'm just starting to get the WAITING part down, You mean i have to do it with the right heart too?! ugh...." such a hard lesson, but He is teaching me. It seems so basic, with God caring more about our heart condition behind our actions, that even if i do not force something to happen, my attitude of wanting MY way in MY time (even if i dont actively pursue it) is disobedience to God. This is big to me. I have been praying forEVER for God to teach me patience, to grow that fruit in me, and just when i start being able to "let go and let God," i realize that i am NOT actually being patient because i do not have the patience in my SOUL, in my HEART. I'm trying so hard to appear patient while my heart and mind are scheming how to get what i want. UGH! This sin nature goes so deep and hurts so much. Praying for a renewed mind and pure heart to honestly cultivate patience, outside and inner. 


"It will be my Joy to say//Your will//Your way//Always" #Passion2012