Oh how mysterious are Your ways oh Lord!
Your mercy and grace are so much more
than we could ever want or strive for
Your forgiveness You give freely and do not hord
You raise up the weak on wings like eagles
and make the "wise" yap like beagles
You give sight to the blind
and heal the sinful mind
You lead me in Your ways
and yet i could not try all of my days
to understand just what You're doing
though i know You are me wooing
with every step You take with me
You help me more to see
and still i am so far from perfect
and i never do deserve it
You keep me in Your will,
Your Book of Life, still
when i mess up, you raise me up
if i'll just turn back to Your cup!
Thank You Lord for Your love
You are the peaceful Dove
yet bruised on Calvary
You took my fate for me
Oh what depth of Hell i deserve!
For so many times the Devil i did serve
what sorrow is in my soul and heart
to think that i should ever from You depart!
and yet You pull me gently closer
to Yourself, to be my Saviour
and bring me into light everlasting
with You, my One and True King!
Oh what mysteries that You would save us
that You should bless and not curse dust
but that we should be made clean
by Your blood which does redeem!
Oh praise the One whose wisdom is far greater!
Who sanctifies the sinner and loves the hater
You see our future and what we will do for You
when we just complain, we want to see it too!
But You know that we could not comprehend
So Your Holy Spirit You sent
to help us and guide us along Your way
so forever we can hear You say
though we may not know what it means
and that is why we try to form teams
and figure out what You have made for Your mind alone
or to feel that to which our heart is stone
You are my God and i Your servant
so i plead for a glimpse, for a proverb, a hint
to have You to show me just a part of Your mystery
show me, please God, what more you want from me
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Sunday, April 17, 2011
i dislike boys, but i love men
i'm so tired of the childish games
i tired of the head games
i dont want to play anymore
these things have become a bore
i want a real man, not a boy
i am a woman not a toy
i am to be treasured not thrown away
i want someone who's here to stay
im done with your foolish ways
i want to be wise all my days
i wish no longer to be with the scoffers
but to cling to all the cross offers
you are so much like a child
pretending to be meek but really wild
you fly off the handle with no warning
for some stability i am yearning
young man please be a man
walk into the promised land
stop acting like a fool
just because you think it's cool
you dont impress that which you long for
when you cause such an uproar
how much better the man who is holds his tounge
instead of voicing a pile of dung
Why dont you act like a man?
Because i know you can!
Men hold fast to truth
and do not listen to the ruse
they are wise and know the Word
and of their ways i have heard
They do not objectify women
but render themselves to them as kin
Men will step up and take the lead
because they speak truth i will heed.
A real man is following Christ
and by his sin is vised
he does what is necessary
and from the LORD he does not tarry
A man will speak up for those without voices
instead of quieting the weaklings noises.
You see, a man is what you are called to be
when you have been born male you see.
God does not want you eating milk
when you are strong enough to eat the elk
why do you not reach your potentional
why do you lack the beneficial?
When will you turn to Him for advice,
instead of the snake that won't suffice?
you listen to the world and are not wise
when you really could be saving millions of lives.
i tired of the head games
i dont want to play anymore
these things have become a bore
i want a real man, not a boy
i am a woman not a toy
i am to be treasured not thrown away
i want someone who's here to stay
im done with your foolish ways
i want to be wise all my days
i wish no longer to be with the scoffers
but to cling to all the cross offers
you are so much like a child
pretending to be meek but really wild
you fly off the handle with no warning
for some stability i am yearning
young man please be a man
walk into the promised land
stop acting like a fool
just because you think it's cool
you dont impress that which you long for
when you cause such an uproar
how much better the man who is holds his tounge
instead of voicing a pile of dung
Why dont you act like a man?
Because i know you can!
Men hold fast to truth
and do not listen to the ruse
they are wise and know the Word
and of their ways i have heard
They do not objectify women
but render themselves to them as kin
Men will step up and take the lead
because they speak truth i will heed.
A real man is following Christ
and by his sin is vised
he does what is necessary
and from the LORD he does not tarry
A man will speak up for those without voices
instead of quieting the weaklings noises.
You see, a man is what you are called to be
when you have been born male you see.
God does not want you eating milk
when you are strong enough to eat the elk
why do you not reach your potentional
why do you lack the beneficial?
When will you turn to Him for advice,
instead of the snake that won't suffice?
you listen to the world and are not wise
when you really could be saving millions of lives.
Friday, April 8, 2011
A prayer for prodigals
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyheJ480LYA (It's the "everything" by Lifehouse skit. have a box of tissues handy, it may make you cry)
Dear Heavenly Father,
I thank You so much for who You are! You are the Creator, the Righteous Judge and the Redeemer. You are holy in all You are and right in all You do. "How can I stand here with You and not be moved by You?" It is so true that knowing You and all You have done for me leads me to being in awe of You and You moving me, drawing me closer, and us dancing sweetly! I praise and adore You for all You are doing in my life!
You have put it on my heart to pray for Your people, those that have turned from the ways of their fathers who followed and served You, and instead following in the ways of the fathers that do evil in Your sight. God, i just pray that right now You take hold of each and every one of Your children. Hold them close and never let them go. Help them to return to You, as the perfect Lover You draw us to You, as our Redeemer, Your scars have made us new. Help us, those who know You intimately, to show Your true nature to those who do not know You, or have turned away from You. God i pray You bring them back to You! They have heard Your name and cannot any longer deny Your Majesty! Let them see You for who You are, the One True God! Remember the ways that they loved You, when they first knew You, remember the prayers of their family and friends for them and the ways that they follow You. Remember that Jesus has clothed us in His righteousness and listen to our prayers! In Jesus;s name i pray, AMEN
Dear Heavenly Father,
I thank You so much for who You are! You are the Creator, the Righteous Judge and the Redeemer. You are holy in all You are and right in all You do. "How can I stand here with You and not be moved by You?" It is so true that knowing You and all You have done for me leads me to being in awe of You and You moving me, drawing me closer, and us dancing sweetly! I praise and adore You for all You are doing in my life!
You have put it on my heart to pray for Your people, those that have turned from the ways of their fathers who followed and served You, and instead following in the ways of the fathers that do evil in Your sight. God, i just pray that right now You take hold of each and every one of Your children. Hold them close and never let them go. Help them to return to You, as the perfect Lover You draw us to You, as our Redeemer, Your scars have made us new. Help us, those who know You intimately, to show Your true nature to those who do not know You, or have turned away from You. God i pray You bring them back to You! They have heard Your name and cannot any longer deny Your Majesty! Let them see You for who You are, the One True God! Remember the ways that they loved You, when they first knew You, remember the prayers of their family and friends for them and the ways that they follow You. Remember that Jesus has clothed us in His righteousness and listen to our prayers! In Jesus;s name i pray, AMEN
Sunday, April 3, 2011
More revelations to a heart sold out to God
my heart broke on friday. After reading Romans chapter 7 (ie, the "i do what i dont want to do and dont do what i want to do passage), i did that which is my greatest grief-i caused a rift in the Body. I was feeling attacked and instead of remembering how Jesus acting when He was attacked (i had just seen the Passion the night prior), i got defensive. I tried to prove my point, and agreed with my brother, and yet he just got more and more heated...so in my flesh, in my sin, i kicked him out of my house. I did not know anything else to do to get him to calm down, so i just made him leave. Throughout this ordeal, my heart was racing, to the point where i felt like i was doing more than my max on the elliptical....i sent him a txt, apologizing n letting him kno i kicked him out bc i thought thats what he needed, to just get away, and that i loved him and was on the same team as him. He responded to please leave him alone. and so i shall.
In church, we had communion. I did not take it, not because i do not love Jesus, but because the rift in the Body that i created had weighed on me so strong that i could not bear to think of partaking in something as sacred as communion. I prayed, "Lord, please help me to learn to de-escalate the issues that come up, give me the wisdom and discernment to do what is right, to do Your will and what glorifies You. Or send me one who WILL step up and mediate our issues in the Body. Lord, i do not want a house divided, i want Your Body to be whole! This is my desire that Your people turn to You and bear one anothers burdens and love one another and You! I long to serve You and not break up my family, Your Body. Help me to fight for unity, Jesus. Help me to not cause issues. Restore Your Body, as we remember You rebuilding Your temple this season as we remember Your Resurrection. In the name of the risen Jesus i pray, amen!"
so what happened? we talked about forgiveness. Instead of responding, pray for them. Though he stirs anger and fright in me, my strength is in the LORD and man only has the power over me i allow him to have. I must give him over to God and trust Him to heal his heart, and mine, and the relationship if it should be healed.
In church, we had communion. I did not take it, not because i do not love Jesus, but because the rift in the Body that i created had weighed on me so strong that i could not bear to think of partaking in something as sacred as communion. I prayed, "Lord, please help me to learn to de-escalate the issues that come up, give me the wisdom and discernment to do what is right, to do Your will and what glorifies You. Or send me one who WILL step up and mediate our issues in the Body. Lord, i do not want a house divided, i want Your Body to be whole! This is my desire that Your people turn to You and bear one anothers burdens and love one another and You! I long to serve You and not break up my family, Your Body. Help me to fight for unity, Jesus. Help me to not cause issues. Restore Your Body, as we remember You rebuilding Your temple this season as we remember Your Resurrection. In the name of the risen Jesus i pray, amen!"
so what happened? we talked about forgiveness. Instead of responding, pray for them. Though he stirs anger and fright in me, my strength is in the LORD and man only has the power over me i allow him to have. I must give him over to God and trust Him to heal his heart, and mine, and the relationship if it should be healed.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
heartbreak is
heartbreak throws a heart into pieces
eyes into clouds and tearful it is
but when there are no more tears to cry
and all your friends have left your side
heartbreak is a peaceful hurt
and lets you find your worth
heartbreak is a broken chain,
no claim to man, no claim to fame
why yearn for the slavery
when you can be free
and yet, id rather have you
than this freedom to do what i do
heartbreak is seeing your ex-lover,
how much she wishes you were together
remincing of all the good times you had
and forgetting all of the bad
i hate myself for being just like her,
still not able to close that door
heartbreak is knowing you are not the one
and yet you make me so undone
you are so mean and rude to me
but still your one and only i long to be
heartbreak is stupidity brought on ourselves
and not being able to leave the past on the shelves
eyes into clouds and tearful it is
but when there are no more tears to cry
and all your friends have left your side
heartbreak is a peaceful hurt
and lets you find your worth
heartbreak is a broken chain,
no claim to man, no claim to fame
why yearn for the slavery
when you can be free
and yet, id rather have you
than this freedom to do what i do
heartbreak is seeing your ex-lover,
how much she wishes you were together
remincing of all the good times you had
and forgetting all of the bad
i hate myself for being just like her,
still not able to close that door
heartbreak is knowing you are not the one
and yet you make me so undone
you are so mean and rude to me
but still your one and only i long to be
heartbreak is stupidity brought on ourselves
and not being able to leave the past on the shelves
Monday, March 14, 2011
When God has something to tell you, He WILL make you know it
1. When you commit to something, and really mean it, and ask God to help you to follow through, and it is something that is not out of line with His law, He will help make it happen.
I prayed before i went to bed that God would help me get up in the morning to exercise. Despite it being a monday, and the darkest 545 on a monday this year, i was awake with my alarm and motivated to go down and work up a sweat on that old tredmill.
2. We see things as we define them...and we define them the way we want them to be
I see this guy that i want to marry, so i see the qualities i want in a husband in him. Of course he has most of them, which is why i wanted to marry him...until i see another side of him that i could not marry.
Or i see qualities of a sucky friend in one guy because i know i cannot marry him, even though he comforts me and is the first i go to with exciting news
Or i become intrigued by a guy who before could not catch my eye
3. I'm a great nurse.
I am able to take care of a sick child
i can tell my fellow future nurse what to expect in nursing
i am able to notice an abnormal assesment, on my patient or a person i am conversing with
i have compassion for people
i listen
4. Sometimes, even when you DO have faith like a mustard seed, God decides to let that mountain stay where it is at, because sometimes, that mountain getting thrown into the sea can cause quite a disaster for many others, by the tsunamis and earthquakes it creates.
(Japan, we are praying for you. God has not forgotten Japan and those who are hurting. have faith that the person who threw the mountain into the sea is also praying for your restoration, and redemption)
5. God will provide. And whether my love story involves a man here on earth or not, I know that my Husband is the very best :)
All of these things were things that i had doubted, to the point of despair, less than 48 hours ago. God has revealed His truth to me, to show me who i am, and how He sees me. What's changed? Well, nothing. and yet, everything......
God, You are so good to me! How steadfast are Your promises! You are forever true and faithful! There is nothing that can complete me nor satisfy me than You! All i need is more of You-- every day i ask for my daily portion of You and You provide. Thank You for all You have done and all that You are! Thank You for making me who You are making me. I long to be closer with You and closer to being like You. You are the only One for me. In You alone i find my rest, in You alone i find my identity. I love You Lord. Help me to not sin against You; to resist temptation of all kinds and flee all types of sin! In Your Name Lord Jesus i pray, AMEN!
I prayed before i went to bed that God would help me get up in the morning to exercise. Despite it being a monday, and the darkest 545 on a monday this year, i was awake with my alarm and motivated to go down and work up a sweat on that old tredmill.
2. We see things as we define them...and we define them the way we want them to be
I see this guy that i want to marry, so i see the qualities i want in a husband in him. Of course he has most of them, which is why i wanted to marry him...until i see another side of him that i could not marry.
Or i see qualities of a sucky friend in one guy because i know i cannot marry him, even though he comforts me and is the first i go to with exciting news
Or i become intrigued by a guy who before could not catch my eye
3. I'm a great nurse.
I am able to take care of a sick child
i can tell my fellow future nurse what to expect in nursing
i am able to notice an abnormal assesment, on my patient or a person i am conversing with
i have compassion for people
i listen
4. Sometimes, even when you DO have faith like a mustard seed, God decides to let that mountain stay where it is at, because sometimes, that mountain getting thrown into the sea can cause quite a disaster for many others, by the tsunamis and earthquakes it creates.
(Japan, we are praying for you. God has not forgotten Japan and those who are hurting. have faith that the person who threw the mountain into the sea is also praying for your restoration, and redemption)
5. God will provide. And whether my love story involves a man here on earth or not, I know that my Husband is the very best :)
All of these things were things that i had doubted, to the point of despair, less than 48 hours ago. God has revealed His truth to me, to show me who i am, and how He sees me. What's changed? Well, nothing. and yet, everything......
God, You are so good to me! How steadfast are Your promises! You are forever true and faithful! There is nothing that can complete me nor satisfy me than You! All i need is more of You-- every day i ask for my daily portion of You and You provide. Thank You for all You have done and all that You are! Thank You for making me who You are making me. I long to be closer with You and closer to being like You. You are the only One for me. In You alone i find my rest, in You alone i find my identity. I love You Lord. Help me to not sin against You; to resist temptation of all kinds and flee all types of sin! In Your Name Lord Jesus i pray, AMEN!
Monday, March 7, 2011
breaking down this stronghold
You told me twice that tonight You would break these strongholds, and yet even before the service ended, the unrest in my soul became too strong to bear. Is this how You break the strongholds, by breaking me? by tearing up my heart and leaving me without any comfort? Yet You alone are my true comfort and how better to break the strongholds than to show that You are stronger still. How quickly You turn me back to You when i write, yet without constructing the words i do not see how stupid i am in my doubts. This was a lot shorter than i thought it would be....
i want so deeply, so strongly, to simply be cherished by a man. He would say i want to be worshipped, but that is not it. i do want Jesus to be number one in his life, but i would like to be number two! is that so wrong? to him, it is....and so he is not the one for me. is this how i am to break down this stronghold he has over me? to explain (AGAIN) to myself and the world why he is NOT the man for me? and yet, i still hold onto the idea that he COULD be he MIGHT be, that we could make it work, that i could change my ways of thinking so that i do not keep leaving him...simply bc it is what i am used to. im comfortable with him. i know him. i know how he reacts to certain things and i know when i have to ignore everything he says because it will just upset me (which is most of the time). So why do i let him keep this stronghold over me? That is the question. If i can discover the REASON it is a stronghold, i can reason away the reason (haha).
i let him have this stronghold over me, i let myself be captivated by him, because i convince myself that he cherishes me. In my stupidity, my nievity, my lonliness, i CONVINCE myself of the lie that keeps me bound to a man who keeps breaking my arms to be free of my embrace. i am so incredibly stupid. and it makes me so upset to know that i am doing this to myself, and do not know how to stop. I have "given it to God" more times than i can count, i have confessed and repented, i have prayed and fasted, i have pleaded God take this desire away, i have tried EVERYTHING and yet i still cling to him like a cowboy to a bucking bull...this disgusts me more than i can explain.
i want so deeply, so strongly, to simply be cherished by a man. He would say i want to be worshipped, but that is not it. i do want Jesus to be number one in his life, but i would like to be number two! is that so wrong? to him, it is....and so he is not the one for me. is this how i am to break down this stronghold he has over me? to explain (AGAIN) to myself and the world why he is NOT the man for me? and yet, i still hold onto the idea that he COULD be he MIGHT be, that we could make it work, that i could change my ways of thinking so that i do not keep leaving him...simply bc it is what i am used to. im comfortable with him. i know him. i know how he reacts to certain things and i know when i have to ignore everything he says because it will just upset me (which is most of the time). So why do i let him keep this stronghold over me? That is the question. If i can discover the REASON it is a stronghold, i can reason away the reason (haha).
i let him have this stronghold over me, i let myself be captivated by him, because i convince myself that he cherishes me. In my stupidity, my nievity, my lonliness, i CONVINCE myself of the lie that keeps me bound to a man who keeps breaking my arms to be free of my embrace. i am so incredibly stupid. and it makes me so upset to know that i am doing this to myself, and do not know how to stop. I have "given it to God" more times than i can count, i have confessed and repented, i have prayed and fasted, i have pleaded God take this desire away, i have tried EVERYTHING and yet i still cling to him like a cowboy to a bucking bull...this disgusts me more than i can explain.
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