Worth it

Am i worth the commitment
am i worth the pain the struggles the hurt
i am worth the work, the discipline, the wait
am i worth my past, my present, my future
Worth the nails, worth the cross,
worth the blood, being scorned by God
worth the tears, worth the fears.
God says i'm worth it, but man says i'm not
God stands eternal, man is not.
God is steadfast, constant and true.
Why do i care when man deems me unworthy,
when i have a God Who makes me worthy!
And HE is worth it.
Worth the commitment
worth the pain the struggles and hurt
worth the WORK the discipline the wait
worth turning away from the past
worth giving my present into His hands
worth trusting the future is all He has planned
He's worth all the tears and facing my fears.
And He makes me worth it too.

So next time a man says im not worth his time,
says girls like me are a dozen a dime,
i can just shake my head and walk on by
because of Jesus, i AM a prize.
 It's HIS opinion that matters alone,
not a text, a message on the phone.
God defines my worth based on Christ's blood
that covers my sins, my failures, my crud.
Though i know man see my flaws and shameful past,
even my shaky present, and unsure future they cant see past
But if all could close their eyes and see with love
maybe this world would feel peace like a dove

im worth the suffering, the pain, the effort.
i know being with me is going to hurt.
but know that i am on my way,
walking the straight and narrow more each day.
yes i slip and fall back down
and make Jesus cry and frown,
but He died once for ALL my sin
and we are family, you're my kin.
Because of Him, i am worth it
Because of Him, you are worth it.
Because over ALL- HE is worth it.

Answered prayers and patience

im confused. Completely and totally taken aback. I'm doing everything i know to be right and in line with God in this, and then it's gone....I'm following Him in obedience to Kenya. I'm giving Him all the glory for taking me and putting it on my heart. I'm making sure to make everything about Him because i know without Him none of this would be happening. So when i found out i was losing my one case, it didnt come as a shock, and i knew that God would bring something to replace it. This case is half my paycheck, or more. Two hours after finding out my last day, i get a phone call with details on the PERFECT FIT case. 10 hour day on Friday in an area that i would already be in on Fridays! PRAISE GOD! I was so excited i proceeded to tell everyone how good God is for this timing was amazing--i didnt have time to worry! haha! And then a call today saying that the case doesnt want me because i'm going away for a long time over the summer. **shoulders drop, big sigh**i just don't get it. It was perfect! What is God trying to teach me here? that sometimes He takes away that which we thought was perfect because He can? because He has better? Because it's just not time yet? I dont know. But either way, no matter what happens, I will continue to praise my God and tell of the great things He is doing!

Because guess what?

I"M GOING TO KENYA!!!

But another wonderful thing that is helping me to not worry about work...well, let me tell you the story. Of course, it involves my dream man...

So i was finally spending all my time with this man that i was totally into. He was everything i wanted and i was so happy and thanking God for him! Long story short, we stopped spending so much time together (i was getting clingy, go figure haha) but i still hurt because i had given my heart to him (though i know i shouldnt have and it wasnt mine to give yadda yadda i think i wrote this part already?). So this past week and weekend was a lot of crying out to God about that and mourning the loss of this dream man, and asking God to take away my desire for him and replace it with a deeper faith in God. A few hours later i find out an old friend is in the area. The next day we spend just 2 hours together and in those 2 hours God used him to refocus me and remind me what i really want. To ask me what i really want. So i discovered some things that i had been compromising on that i didnt need to. there were desires that i had that were not being met by my dream man. Therefore he was not my dream man all along. So i praise God that He answered my plea for being freed from the desire for something i cannot have (in this case a particular relationship) and increased my faith in Him by bringing back a part of my life i had forgotten was so sweet. After just two hours of being treated like a princess i remembered who i am. a child of the King. a princess who can wait for the prince. <3