Flowers of differing stages

So I saw this branch on my table at valley forge park.  I noticed 2 flowers on it, but when I looked closer, I also saw 2 buds. Each of these four stages of "new growth"(one of my mom's favorte phrases:)) was slightly different from the next. First, look at the beautiful flower. Its perfect, compared to the other flower at least. The other flower looks either old or eaten up. But if the other flower was not on the branch, would we know what the flower was supposed to look like? Maybe I would have not noticed the rest of the branch....the buds. One is starting to bloom, but still not quite like the beautiful flower. Looking closer, there is also a fully closed bud with no flower yet showing.

This, along with all of my encounters with john 15, led me to wonder which stage of bloom I am in. Surely I am not yet the perfect beautiful flower, but am I the tattered flower? Have I bloomed only to be eaten by satan? No, because tho I have my moments of doubt, i am not torn apart. am i
not yet bloomed? a mere bud? and yet, there can be fruit/Flowers seen in
my life.

later, after this above post,i saw a case for sale with a tree with roots and heartsas flowers. it immediately reminded me of Jeremiah 17:8 & psalm 1:3..which i have now put on the case as well as John 15. all good reminders to what fruit i am growing and where my roots are. :)

Tired of fighting-only HE has the power

I'm so tired.
Tired of the fight
Of running from Your Light
And running from True Life.
I'm tired of my flesh controlling
And my soul not patroling
My soul asleep in the midst of the war
Cannot protect, so my heart is torn

I'm tired of the arguements
Of lies and untaken hints
So tired of trying to prove right
That you've wronged me in my sight
That you don't know the Truth that you do
And so, again, I have lost you.

I'm tired of the manipulation,
Trying to control every relation.
Playing mind games to "win" their love
When all I want is the One Above.
Using whatever I can to gain a "friend"
Only to find it didn't work in the end.

I know I'm the wrong in each situation
Because I'm so tired of being alone.
But do I prefer the confusion and chaos
Or can I finally see that I am not lost?
That Your hand guides along still waters
And I will rejoice with your other daughters.

I keep striving and going and reaching
Keep yearning and learning and teaching.
But the problem through it all is the me and the I
Because now I know that You are the only guy
Who can do all I fail to do, Jesus alone! Not me
And He doesn't even need my help, its not we.

In His power alone I get through the day
Rise up on wings like eagles as they say.
But it is all His power within me
That produces anything of beauty
So why try and yearn and strive
When all I have to do is abide

God, thank You for showing me this throughout the events of the day. That everything in and of my self is utterly worthless, but in every area that You have restored, redeemed, renewed, there can be good to spring out, but only in Your power. Apart from You I am nothing. Let me ever abide in You. Let me never lose my sight of the Vine nor the Vinedressor. Let my fruit be ever ripening and the pruning well worth the trouble and pain. In Jesus's name alone, where there is the power to change all things, amen.

Confirmation that i am not supposed to tell everyone everything

Beth moore's morning and night devotional confirmed that which I felt God teaching me, a simple lesson to remind me that He alone is God. Jesus Christ is the ONLY only OnLY human that I could possibly tell everything to, to trust completely to never harm me, to know how to respond to my every thought and emotion. I'm learning more and more why it is called a PERSONAL relationship w Jesu Christ.

Styrofoam, a mug, and china

Some may regonize the title as a title of a chapter in Dannah Gresh's And The Bride Wore White. So here I am, 23 years old, single, and I'm trying to be the china....

For those who don't know, styrofoam cups are those use once at a picinic type cups that are great when you don't want a cup you really have to take care of. And some girls put themself out to appear to be just that to guys. Something to use when you need something quick but don't want to take care of it.
A mug is nicer, something that may have some sentimental value to you, so you take care of it, but if it breaks, though you may be sad (and upset at the mess you have to clean up), but you can buy another similar mug, or even just use one of your other mugs.
But a china cup....that's something passed down for generations, has stories behind it, is stored in a place for all to see and few to touch...if that breaks or gets lost,that is a real tragedy. China is more expensive, harder to find the "right" pattern and all around more precious.

I know that I have previously been a mug, and even a styrofoam cup in the way that I portrayed myself, acting and talking as something less than the daughter of a righteous King. So now, when I finally decide to be that china cup, that rare, hard to find, have to work for, woman of God, I realise something else about china. It's rarely bought.

Though having a boyfriend didn't prove that I was doing this right (but breaking up with them all proved I was doing it wrong), there were few times in the past couple years where there wasn't a guy pursuing me. And now, when I'm showing that I am a worthy, cherishable, sturdy woman, the suitors have fled (puns anyone?;))

I know I should be glad, because it gives me time to work on myself and my relationship with God and other people, but sometimes I do get bummed. Just to catch someone's eye, to have a man decide I am worth the "hassle," to captivate with the beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit....that I have yet to do. And that is the man I'm waiting for.

Why do I worry that my "prince charming" has not come yet when I have not full blossomed into the china yet? And why do I worry that he will not notice me, when I pray daily that God will open his eyes to me? This is a hard, slow, painful transformation for this cup, but I'm done with styrofoam and mugs, time to be china! <3

Why i believe in entire sanctification

so a lot of people ask me what church i go to, why i became a member and what it means to be a nazarene. entire sanctification is one of the distinctions, and i really don't know why people have a problem with it. in my opinion, i don't think i.would be able to be a Christian if i didn't believe in entire sanctification. what is the point of new life if you can't actually BE new?
as a Christian, to inherit eternal life, we must be born again, as Jesus told Nicodemus. Without being born again, regenerated, new, transformed, metamorphosis, etc, where is the eternal life? and if we are transformed only a little, what is the point? if Jesus can't take away ALL the sin, then how am i really believing He is all powerful? i am not sure i could commit to or would want a god who isn't all powerful, able to remove ALL sin, including original, which its what entire sanctification is about. it's not saying it's immediate, guaranteed, or easy. it's that it is possible and Jesus is perfect enough, God is gracious enough, and the Holy Spirit is powerful enough to give this "Christian perfection" when He wants, to whom He wants, and for however long He wants.

if you don't agree, please explain to me why not. maybe i'm just an idealist, but i really do believe we, as Christians, CAN BE PERFECT, but that it is not of us, but of God, a second grace that i pray i receive.

refining fire

so recently i have praying strongly to have only God's desires. that His "holy fire [would] burn away my desire for anything that is not of [Him] and is of me"(Jeremy camp, my desire). i prayed for His refining and consuming fire to purify me as gold. it took me until prayer walking later that night to see what God showed me in pastor Jay's message.

the book of Daniel tells of the men of God who refused to bow down to the evil king's idol and were thrown into the fire. fire is what God uses to burn away. ..( ok so He could use chemical or electrical but i'm using this revelation). no matter how close we are already following God, he can still refine us further in the fire, in the temptations of the world that we deny,.saying "my God is stronger, my God is able."

on the other side of the fire and refining process, onlookers are amazed and praising God. those delivered from the fire are unharmed, and their faith in God is strengthened, as is the whole community. i pray for a fire like that. something that effects those around me In the way that they praise God and Know and Believe He alone is the One True God!

holy fire, burn away. my desire for anything that is not of you and is of me i want more if you and less of me

Forty

Anyone who knows me and has had a major conversation with me should know I'm into numbers. In a big way. (That phrase right there, with the words being 2+1(3), 3, 3 (which, of course, was 3 3s...) was calculated subconsciously)

So when I heard that it takes 40 days to kick a habit or addiction (or make a new one), I decided that would be my chance to really stick to this fitness thing. But since I also like simple dates, I chose to start may 1 and keep it up til Kenya (june 18).

So what is included in this 40(+) day adventure of mine? I'm glad you asked! :) maybe you can help keep me accountable/encourage me....
1) no fast food. If it has a drive thru, I'm not stopping. Also giving up chips. Props to Dani for doing this with me!:)
2) exercize EVERY DAY. Some days are praisercize. Props to MaryBeth for this. Some days may be tredmill/eliptical. Some may be outside walks. Some may be swimming. All must be active:)

Now, thinking of the number 40 brings two scriptures to mind. One is the 40 years the Israelites spent in the desert bc of disobedience. The second is Jesus spending 40 days in the wilderness being tempted after being baptised. 40. A dreaded number. Full-time hours? 40/wk. Midlife crisis? 40 yrs old?(now older I think!) But back to scripture.

Jesus, the Word made flesh, knew the scriptures. He breathed them, wrote them, experienced them....so when He spend 40....was He thinking of the Israelites? I know that wasn't what satan tempted my Lord with, but I wonder if there was any discouragement in being alone for 40 days....but somehow I find peace in knowing that His answers to the devil's temptations were always scripture. Could that have helped keep His mind renewed and from being discouraged? Just a couple late night thoughts....

Short prayer for staying in Christ :)

Lord help me to do what is right in Your sight
Of the Evil One's line let me not bite
Help me for righteousness alone to fight
Not in my strength but Your strong might!

When temptation seizes my very being
Let that temptation be what I'm fleeing
Bring me back to stand on Your Word
And away from it let me not be lured!

Oh God I plead that I stay steadfast!
Will that my loyalty and commitment last!
Keep me on the path You have laid
Let Your light for me never fade!

mawwage

Just thinking....when/if I get married, I don't want the hottest/cutest/most attractive, strongest, funniest, smartest, richest, or even the most well-versed. I simply want the man with whom I can create an accurate picture of Christ and His Bride the Church. Someone willing to lead me and lay down his life for me, someone who's life ambition is glorifying God. Someone who I can submit to because he's ahead of me faith and truth.

If you are in a relationship, do you have what you want?
If you are single and looking, are you looking for what you want?
If you are thinking you will ever get married, do you KNOW what you want?
(Not necessarily ?s to answer to me, but to yourself and to ask God)