heartbreak throws a heart into pieces
eyes into clouds and tearful it is
but when there are no more tears to cry
and all your friends have left your side
heartbreak is a peaceful hurt
and lets you find your worth
heartbreak is a broken chain,
no claim to man, no claim to fame
why yearn for the slavery
when you can be free
and yet, id rather have you
than this freedom to do what i do
heartbreak is seeing your ex-lover,
how much she wishes you were together
remincing of all the good times you had
and forgetting all of the bad
i hate myself for being just like her,
still not able to close that door
heartbreak is knowing you are not the one
and yet you make me so undone
you are so mean and rude to me
but still your one and only i long to be
heartbreak is stupidity brought on ourselves
and not being able to leave the past on the shelves
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Monday, March 14, 2011
When God has something to tell you, He WILL make you know it
1. When you commit to something, and really mean it, and ask God to help you to follow through, and it is something that is not out of line with His law, He will help make it happen.
I prayed before i went to bed that God would help me get up in the morning to exercise. Despite it being a monday, and the darkest 545 on a monday this year, i was awake with my alarm and motivated to go down and work up a sweat on that old tredmill.
2. We see things as we define them...and we define them the way we want them to be
I see this guy that i want to marry, so i see the qualities i want in a husband in him. Of course he has most of them, which is why i wanted to marry him...until i see another side of him that i could not marry.
Or i see qualities of a sucky friend in one guy because i know i cannot marry him, even though he comforts me and is the first i go to with exciting news
Or i become intrigued by a guy who before could not catch my eye
3. I'm a great nurse.
I am able to take care of a sick child
i can tell my fellow future nurse what to expect in nursing
i am able to notice an abnormal assesment, on my patient or a person i am conversing with
i have compassion for people
i listen
4. Sometimes, even when you DO have faith like a mustard seed, God decides to let that mountain stay where it is at, because sometimes, that mountain getting thrown into the sea can cause quite a disaster for many others, by the tsunamis and earthquakes it creates.
(Japan, we are praying for you. God has not forgotten Japan and those who are hurting. have faith that the person who threw the mountain into the sea is also praying for your restoration, and redemption)
5. God will provide. And whether my love story involves a man here on earth or not, I know that my Husband is the very best :)
All of these things were things that i had doubted, to the point of despair, less than 48 hours ago. God has revealed His truth to me, to show me who i am, and how He sees me. What's changed? Well, nothing. and yet, everything......
God, You are so good to me! How steadfast are Your promises! You are forever true and faithful! There is nothing that can complete me nor satisfy me than You! All i need is more of You-- every day i ask for my daily portion of You and You provide. Thank You for all You have done and all that You are! Thank You for making me who You are making me. I long to be closer with You and closer to being like You. You are the only One for me. In You alone i find my rest, in You alone i find my identity. I love You Lord. Help me to not sin against You; to resist temptation of all kinds and flee all types of sin! In Your Name Lord Jesus i pray, AMEN!
I prayed before i went to bed that God would help me get up in the morning to exercise. Despite it being a monday, and the darkest 545 on a monday this year, i was awake with my alarm and motivated to go down and work up a sweat on that old tredmill.
2. We see things as we define them...and we define them the way we want them to be
I see this guy that i want to marry, so i see the qualities i want in a husband in him. Of course he has most of them, which is why i wanted to marry him...until i see another side of him that i could not marry.
Or i see qualities of a sucky friend in one guy because i know i cannot marry him, even though he comforts me and is the first i go to with exciting news
Or i become intrigued by a guy who before could not catch my eye
3. I'm a great nurse.
I am able to take care of a sick child
i can tell my fellow future nurse what to expect in nursing
i am able to notice an abnormal assesment, on my patient or a person i am conversing with
i have compassion for people
i listen
4. Sometimes, even when you DO have faith like a mustard seed, God decides to let that mountain stay where it is at, because sometimes, that mountain getting thrown into the sea can cause quite a disaster for many others, by the tsunamis and earthquakes it creates.
(Japan, we are praying for you. God has not forgotten Japan and those who are hurting. have faith that the person who threw the mountain into the sea is also praying for your restoration, and redemption)
5. God will provide. And whether my love story involves a man here on earth or not, I know that my Husband is the very best :)
All of these things were things that i had doubted, to the point of despair, less than 48 hours ago. God has revealed His truth to me, to show me who i am, and how He sees me. What's changed? Well, nothing. and yet, everything......
God, You are so good to me! How steadfast are Your promises! You are forever true and faithful! There is nothing that can complete me nor satisfy me than You! All i need is more of You-- every day i ask for my daily portion of You and You provide. Thank You for all You have done and all that You are! Thank You for making me who You are making me. I long to be closer with You and closer to being like You. You are the only One for me. In You alone i find my rest, in You alone i find my identity. I love You Lord. Help me to not sin against You; to resist temptation of all kinds and flee all types of sin! In Your Name Lord Jesus i pray, AMEN!
Monday, March 7, 2011
breaking down this stronghold
You told me twice that tonight You would break these strongholds, and yet even before the service ended, the unrest in my soul became too strong to bear. Is this how You break the strongholds, by breaking me? by tearing up my heart and leaving me without any comfort? Yet You alone are my true comfort and how better to break the strongholds than to show that You are stronger still. How quickly You turn me back to You when i write, yet without constructing the words i do not see how stupid i am in my doubts. This was a lot shorter than i thought it would be....
i want so deeply, so strongly, to simply be cherished by a man. He would say i want to be worshipped, but that is not it. i do want Jesus to be number one in his life, but i would like to be number two! is that so wrong? to him, it is....and so he is not the one for me. is this how i am to break down this stronghold he has over me? to explain (AGAIN) to myself and the world why he is NOT the man for me? and yet, i still hold onto the idea that he COULD be he MIGHT be, that we could make it work, that i could change my ways of thinking so that i do not keep leaving him...simply bc it is what i am used to. im comfortable with him. i know him. i know how he reacts to certain things and i know when i have to ignore everything he says because it will just upset me (which is most of the time). So why do i let him keep this stronghold over me? That is the question. If i can discover the REASON it is a stronghold, i can reason away the reason (haha).
i let him have this stronghold over me, i let myself be captivated by him, because i convince myself that he cherishes me. In my stupidity, my nievity, my lonliness, i CONVINCE myself of the lie that keeps me bound to a man who keeps breaking my arms to be free of my embrace. i am so incredibly stupid. and it makes me so upset to know that i am doing this to myself, and do not know how to stop. I have "given it to God" more times than i can count, i have confessed and repented, i have prayed and fasted, i have pleaded God take this desire away, i have tried EVERYTHING and yet i still cling to him like a cowboy to a bucking bull...this disgusts me more than i can explain.
i want so deeply, so strongly, to simply be cherished by a man. He would say i want to be worshipped, but that is not it. i do want Jesus to be number one in his life, but i would like to be number two! is that so wrong? to him, it is....and so he is not the one for me. is this how i am to break down this stronghold he has over me? to explain (AGAIN) to myself and the world why he is NOT the man for me? and yet, i still hold onto the idea that he COULD be he MIGHT be, that we could make it work, that i could change my ways of thinking so that i do not keep leaving him...simply bc it is what i am used to. im comfortable with him. i know him. i know how he reacts to certain things and i know when i have to ignore everything he says because it will just upset me (which is most of the time). So why do i let him keep this stronghold over me? That is the question. If i can discover the REASON it is a stronghold, i can reason away the reason (haha).
i let him have this stronghold over me, i let myself be captivated by him, because i convince myself that he cherishes me. In my stupidity, my nievity, my lonliness, i CONVINCE myself of the lie that keeps me bound to a man who keeps breaking my arms to be free of my embrace. i am so incredibly stupid. and it makes me so upset to know that i am doing this to myself, and do not know how to stop. I have "given it to God" more times than i can count, i have confessed and repented, i have prayed and fasted, i have pleaded God take this desire away, i have tried EVERYTHING and yet i still cling to him like a cowboy to a bucking bull...this disgusts me more than i can explain.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
So why don't you come down here and prove it!
"Natalie, I do love you. And it's because i love you that you cannot go to that dance tonight. I don't trust that friend Stan, and i know his parents will allow things that i do not. so you are staying home tonight. I love you."
"Oh yeah? Well then why don't you come down here and prove it! Show you love and trust me by letting me go to the party!"
"Lys, i love you. i don't have enough money for a ring, but will you marry me? I know our entire relationship has been via mail, and i've never seen your face because i wont drive that far, but i love you."
"You love me? want to marry me? Come down here and prove it!"
How many times are we told "i love you" by someone who is not right here with us? How many times do we say, well, if you love me, "come down here and prove it!" Come SEE me, come let me see YOU. SHOW me you love me by being with me. Maybe not a lot for you, but for me, i just had that convo with God. (those of you who are laughing at me right now, yes i deserve that and that is why i am writing this, to show how often we may forget)
The convo went a little more like this, "Ok, God. I know Your love is enough and You love me a lot and yada yada, but why can't you just grow some skin and come down here and prove it?" Let me tell you, "them are some fightin' words!" God responded by reminding me, HE HAS "grown some skin and come down here and proved it." And what's more, He proved the "greatest love of all" by laying down His life for me, WHILE I WAS STILL HATING HIM! Wow. yeah, we'll give money to the poor, to our friends, but to our ENEMIES? to give our LIFE? Yeah right! But Jesus did. Wow. yeah, You're right God. You did already "come down here and prove it" thanks for reminding me!
So i need to run right now, but i wanted to add in the verses where God has "come down and proved" His love for us, not just by Jesus and the cross, but as a Father, as a Lover, as a Friend, and as God. I'll add them as comments later (or if you want to add some, feel free :))
"Oh yeah? Well then why don't you come down here and prove it! Show you love and trust me by letting me go to the party!"
"Lys, i love you. i don't have enough money for a ring, but will you marry me? I know our entire relationship has been via mail, and i've never seen your face because i wont drive that far, but i love you."
"You love me? want to marry me? Come down here and prove it!"
How many times are we told "i love you" by someone who is not right here with us? How many times do we say, well, if you love me, "come down here and prove it!" Come SEE me, come let me see YOU. SHOW me you love me by being with me. Maybe not a lot for you, but for me, i just had that convo with God. (those of you who are laughing at me right now, yes i deserve that and that is why i am writing this, to show how often we may forget)
The convo went a little more like this, "Ok, God. I know Your love is enough and You love me a lot and yada yada, but why can't you just grow some skin and come down here and prove it?" Let me tell you, "them are some fightin' words!" God responded by reminding me, HE HAS "grown some skin and come down here and proved it." And what's more, He proved the "greatest love of all" by laying down His life for me, WHILE I WAS STILL HATING HIM! Wow. yeah, we'll give money to the poor, to our friends, but to our ENEMIES? to give our LIFE? Yeah right! But Jesus did. Wow. yeah, You're right God. You did already "come down here and prove it" thanks for reminding me!
So i need to run right now, but i wanted to add in the verses where God has "come down and proved" His love for us, not just by Jesus and the cross, but as a Father, as a Lover, as a Friend, and as God. I'll add them as comments later (or if you want to add some, feel free :))
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
For My Friend, My Encouragement
You look at yourself and see your flaws
looking for your purpose, your cause
but listen to me when i say
i find your friendship today
to encourage me so strongly
to look for who i want to be
you are my friend, my encouragement
From God i know that you are sent
to help me to see each day
that He is the only way
to know that better is out there
and i will find someone to care
i don't need to settle for another
when you encourage me, my brother
i grow weak and fall
He's got brown eyes, he's tall
maybe that's enough for me
'cause, hey, that's all i'll ever be
just "enough" never the dream
and so plummets my self-esteem
but you remind me of how close i am
even on the days i feel like a scam
you see the truth in my heart
how, for Jesus, I'm set apart
you show me that i can do better
and that this other man would just be a fetter
your strength, your integrity
your patience and lack of envy
your wisdom and your drive
you're not the only one alive
so you encourage me that there are
more men like you, and not too far
God has a husband picked out for me
and i pray he's close to you as can be
looking for your purpose, your cause
but listen to me when i say
i find your friendship today
to encourage me so strongly
to look for who i want to be
you are my friend, my encouragement
From God i know that you are sent
to help me to see each day
that He is the only way
to know that better is out there
and i will find someone to care
i don't need to settle for another
when you encourage me, my brother
i grow weak and fall
He's got brown eyes, he's tall
maybe that's enough for me
'cause, hey, that's all i'll ever be
just "enough" never the dream
and so plummets my self-esteem
but you remind me of how close i am
even on the days i feel like a scam
you see the truth in my heart
how, for Jesus, I'm set apart
you show me that i can do better
and that this other man would just be a fetter
your strength, your integrity
your patience and lack of envy
your wisdom and your drive
you're not the only one alive
so you encourage me that there are
more men like you, and not too far
God has a husband picked out for me
and i pray he's close to you as can be
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)