What a change. for all of you who say that i can't be single, just look at me now! Though i would love to meet my future husband, get married and have kids, right now i am focusing on what God wants. (side note, i hope no one reads this and doubt anyone will but that is a good thing bc there have been many times this week that i was reminded "proclaim the gospel always, when necessary, use words":)) so back to the point. I am so glad that God IS filling me with Himself and proving that He is more than enough. I have two men in my life right now who have expressed interest in me, and yet i did not feel God's hand in the relationship. It is devastating to tell someone who i thought i would marry that i cannot speak to them in order to protect ourselves...it is hard to hear a man say he finally has time for me and for me to have to say it still wouldnt work.....
I pray God gives me a peace about the man i am to marry, and to let me kno, and to let him know....i dont wanna just mess around with my heart anymore. the next one is for keeps. i love getting to know the young men God has put in my life. all of them are teaching me something special. Everything from:have patience, don't expect too much, don't settle for too little, God's got a better plan, and everyone enters your life for a reason....
I can literally feel someone praying for me. Whoever it was, thank you! It is one of the coolest feelings in the world. I was so weak and so weary, and yet God gave me the strength to continue home without making the pitstop to "check on a friend"....He grants me the strength to say no to those who are wrong for me and to hold out for the one who is right. And if God wills me to be single my whole life, i will live and love Jesus just as whole-heartedly as ever!
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Sunday, December 26, 2010
my letter to God
Dear God,
Thank You so much for all You have done for me. For Who You are, for the gift of salvation thru Jesus Christ. thank You for so many blessings i could list them for days! Forgive my impatience and my longing for that which is not mine. Help me to be able to see what it is YOU have for me, and not just what i want for myself. God, i want to wait for Your timing and Your plan, for i know it is better than mine. God, please be strong in my weakness of the moments where i want my own way. In those times build in me the endurance to see that what You have in store for me is so much better than what i am seeing now! and i DO believe it God! i know You have such great things planned for me, ways of using me that i could not imagine! God i cannot wait to have You use me in any way You will! i want to just glorify You with my whole life! Help me to do this God. Help me to see Your path and to follow it. Help me to stay away from those that bring me down and to be able to lift up those who are hurting. God, You have given me so many gifts that i just cannot even begin to mention! You are so generous! so caring! so loving! And so patient. God, i pray for this patience to wait, actively preparing myself for what You have in store for me. God show me Your will for my life. Help me to see that my desire for the love of my husband has already been experienced by seeing how You love Your Church, and take away this desire for a husband of my own if it is not of You. God, i only want for myself what You want for me, and if it is to be single forever then so be it. I trust You LORD. You are in control and You know what is best for me. Take me. Have me. All of me.
In Jesus's Holy and Precious Name,
AMEN
Thank You so much for all You have done for me. For Who You are, for the gift of salvation thru Jesus Christ. thank You for so many blessings i could list them for days! Forgive my impatience and my longing for that which is not mine. Help me to be able to see what it is YOU have for me, and not just what i want for myself. God, i want to wait for Your timing and Your plan, for i know it is better than mine. God, please be strong in my weakness of the moments where i want my own way. In those times build in me the endurance to see that what You have in store for me is so much better than what i am seeing now! and i DO believe it God! i know You have such great things planned for me, ways of using me that i could not imagine! God i cannot wait to have You use me in any way You will! i want to just glorify You with my whole life! Help me to do this God. Help me to see Your path and to follow it. Help me to stay away from those that bring me down and to be able to lift up those who are hurting. God, You have given me so many gifts that i just cannot even begin to mention! You are so generous! so caring! so loving! And so patient. God, i pray for this patience to wait, actively preparing myself for what You have in store for me. God show me Your will for my life. Help me to see that my desire for the love of my husband has already been experienced by seeing how You love Your Church, and take away this desire for a husband of my own if it is not of You. God, i only want for myself what You want for me, and if it is to be single forever then so be it. I trust You LORD. You are in control and You know what is best for me. Take me. Have me. All of me.
In Jesus's Holy and Precious Name,
AMEN
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Merry Christmas!
How lame is this, writing a blog on Christmas Day! And yet, i must! I cannot remember being more excited for Christmas than i am today, EVER! When i was a child, getting the newest and best toys, i wasnt even this excited. You want to know why? Of course you do. That's why i wrote this and that is why you read this.
The reason i am so excited about this Christmas is...i'm realizing that this is the day when all creation sings of His glory! This is the day that more people acknowledge Jesus, some even do so unknowingly! How amazing! Today is the day that we can FEEL more people in the body because of this. This is why i am so excited! Because God is being glorified through His Son Christ Jesus today as people who normally don't pick up the Bible are reading the story in the gospel of Luke of a baby born to a virgin! Or people who normally don't step inside a church, attend a service and feel His Spirit. Or those that are wholly devoted to Him can speak His name without persecution! Oh what a wonderful holiday! Praise God!
It is important, to remember as well, the harmony of the birth and death (AND RESURRECTION!) of Jesus. He was laid in wood when He was born and nailed to wood to die. Now He rules in our hearts and lives. He was born to die, and to give us eternal life. What a miracle, what a gift.
Now that you have received the Perfect Gift, what will you do with Him?
The reason i am so excited about this Christmas is...i'm realizing that this is the day when all creation sings of His glory! This is the day that more people acknowledge Jesus, some even do so unknowingly! How amazing! Today is the day that we can FEEL more people in the body because of this. This is why i am so excited! Because God is being glorified through His Son Christ Jesus today as people who normally don't pick up the Bible are reading the story in the gospel of Luke of a baby born to a virgin! Or people who normally don't step inside a church, attend a service and feel His Spirit. Or those that are wholly devoted to Him can speak His name without persecution! Oh what a wonderful holiday! Praise God!
It is important, to remember as well, the harmony of the birth and death (AND RESURRECTION!) of Jesus. He was laid in wood when He was born and nailed to wood to die. Now He rules in our hearts and lives. He was born to die, and to give us eternal life. What a miracle, what a gift.
Now that you have received the Perfect Gift, what will you do with Him?
Friday, December 3, 2010
Gender roles
Eve took the apple to her husband, and her husband took HER LEAD. What would have happened if Adam would have told his wife that he will lead her and not eat the apple that his leader, God, told him to not eat....and how many times do we still try to lead our men in the wrong direction.
STOP BEING JEZEBEL!
MEN-LEAD!
WOMEN-ALLOW HIM TO LEAD!
STOP BEING JEZEBEL!
MEN-LEAD!
WOMEN-ALLOW HIM TO LEAD!
Direction and Purpose
We all are looking for it. Whether we go in the direction of fame, riches, success...or Jesus, humility, love. It's our PURPOSE--why we are here, what this life is all about. At different points in our lives, our direction and purpose may change. Let me change that. Our direction, the way that we take, may change, but our purpose, what we are created for, will always stay the same. Your purpose, my purpose, Michael Jackson's purpose, your mom's purpose, EVERYONE is to grow in relationship, most importantly, with Christ. This is the highest purpose. Now, how to get there, and what to do with it, that is where we come up with all our questions. For those who do not grow in relationship with Christ, they experience great distress in thinking about their future and what their purpose is. They wander around, seeking fame and fortune, but nothing fills the God-sized hole. It is because they are not fulfilling their purpose. they may, however, being going in the direction, because God uses all sorts of things to get our attention.
So what about those who DO follow Christ and do not have a more specific purpose figured out? there are many of us who are following Christ and growing in relationship with Him, and we ask God to show us what He would have us do for Him. Sometimes, His answer is "wait" sometimes it is "go." It can show us our impatience when we ask God to send us and He tells us wait. I know I struggle with that. There have been short missions trips that i have gone on, and i loved them and want to do so much for the Kingdom of God! I just ask God to show me where He wants me to go, to send me and He says wait. He tells me there is work to do here. So i ask for His guidance on that....
So i think i got off tangent. ugh, this is why i am not a teacher :-p
So what about those who DO follow Christ and do not have a more specific purpose figured out? there are many of us who are following Christ and growing in relationship with Him, and we ask God to show us what He would have us do for Him. Sometimes, His answer is "wait" sometimes it is "go." It can show us our impatience when we ask God to send us and He tells us wait. I know I struggle with that. There have been short missions trips that i have gone on, and i loved them and want to do so much for the Kingdom of God! I just ask God to show me where He wants me to go, to send me and He says wait. He tells me there is work to do here. So i ask for His guidance on that....
So i think i got off tangent. ugh, this is why i am not a teacher :-p
Monday, November 29, 2010
Schizophrenia, Multiple Personalities, Hipocracy....selfcontrol?
I coulda hit him. I wanted to scream at him. I wanted to just turn around and GLARE at him. I wanted to say "we are here to WORSHIP GOD, if you are not, PLEASE LEAVE and if you are, please STOP TALKING!"
So much for praying extra hard that the distractions stay away. Mikes loud or soft, music blaring, lights confusing, papers misplaced, words forgotten....
I recall Jesus saying that He came for the sinners because the it is not the healthy that need a doctor, but the sick. In the medical field, i further know that those who do not see themselves as sick (ie a sinner) will not go to a doctor nor take his advice, even if He comes to them with the script already written and filled. **SIGH**
How horrible is it that i see my sin, and it tears me up trying o live for God and yet still sinning, and then i can see others who have no reverence for the Most High....it just makes me angry. I could not sing because i heard talking behind me. I had to just pray.
How can i love someone and hate what they are doing? how can i show my brother where he is sinning, when i myself am sinning in a different way? ughhh but are we not called to do so, in love!?
My spirit is not at rest. it is very uneasy. it is broken. it is groaning. i long to do God's will and to kill my sin and help my brothers and sisters to kill their sin, but how can i when we will not admit it! will not see it as sin! will not turn away from it! AH! What distress, the Bible puts it perfectly with calling it groaning! I long so much for just a word from God and then He goes and sends me to people to whom i can share. And it is there i see how He can use me, even when i feel that i am so useless. so powerless. so distressed. What a joy it is to be used by God, even when you least expect it.
So much for praying extra hard that the distractions stay away. Mikes loud or soft, music blaring, lights confusing, papers misplaced, words forgotten....
I recall Jesus saying that He came for the sinners because the it is not the healthy that need a doctor, but the sick. In the medical field, i further know that those who do not see themselves as sick (ie a sinner) will not go to a doctor nor take his advice, even if He comes to them with the script already written and filled. **SIGH**
How horrible is it that i see my sin, and it tears me up trying o live for God and yet still sinning, and then i can see others who have no reverence for the Most High....it just makes me angry. I could not sing because i heard talking behind me. I had to just pray.
How can i love someone and hate what they are doing? how can i show my brother where he is sinning, when i myself am sinning in a different way? ughhh but are we not called to do so, in love!?
My spirit is not at rest. it is very uneasy. it is broken. it is groaning. i long to do God's will and to kill my sin and help my brothers and sisters to kill their sin, but how can i when we will not admit it! will not see it as sin! will not turn away from it! AH! What distress, the Bible puts it perfectly with calling it groaning! I long so much for just a word from God and then He goes and sends me to people to whom i can share. And it is there i see how He can use me, even when i feel that i am so useless. so powerless. so distressed. What a joy it is to be used by God, even when you least expect it.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
When it rains it pours. And believe me, HE REIGNS ;)
So this is a lot of posting for one day! but i must share just HOW GREAT IS OUR GOD! He put on our hearts the same thing, for we are of one Spirit, able to discern what it is He says. And these were the notes i took.
what we need:
Courage to call out the backslider
Accountability
Convictions from the BIBLE and not our FEELINGS which can deceive us
Submit to the authority God has placed above us
physical ideas:
pray as led-have a prayer "suggestion" in the worship guide for those who aren't led at that particular moment by the Spirit; include the Lord's prayer (Luke 11)
accountability partners
between thrive and latenight, or during latenight in a special room, a place for those who want to "dig deeper" to pray and discuss the sermon (kind of like the prayer room)
the sign that asks the visitors to enter the sanctuary in quiet prayer, and to please not leave during the service, and to turn cell phones off (like for prayer and praise night)
As Queen Esther prayed and fasted, and had her ladies pray and fast, we too should pray and fast before bringing up the bigger issues to those in authority over us
I wanted to have a place to have these written out so anyone who has more to add can comment or message me to tell me what else needs to be added but i think this is a start. :)
what we need:
Courage to call out the backslider
Accountability
Convictions from the BIBLE and not our FEELINGS which can deceive us
Submit to the authority God has placed above us
physical ideas:
pray as led-have a prayer "suggestion" in the worship guide for those who aren't led at that particular moment by the Spirit; include the Lord's prayer (Luke 11)
accountability partners
between thrive and latenight, or during latenight in a special room, a place for those who want to "dig deeper" to pray and discuss the sermon (kind of like the prayer room)
the sign that asks the visitors to enter the sanctuary in quiet prayer, and to please not leave during the service, and to turn cell phones off (like for prayer and praise night)
As Queen Esther prayed and fasted, and had her ladies pray and fast, we too should pray and fast before bringing up the bigger issues to those in authority over us
I wanted to have a place to have these written out so anyone who has more to add can comment or message me to tell me what else needs to be added but i think this is a start. :)
Relief, Restoration and Redemption
I've been going through a lot lately. Truthfully, who hasn't been? Why should my life matter any more than my neighbor's? or my sister's? (actually, she's got 2 kids, a husband and a baby on the way to take care of so her life SHOULD matter more than mine, right?) But in reality, we are ALL precious. ALL of our lives are "worth it!" The One and Only perfect Man died a death He didn't owe because i had a debt i couldn't pay. He did it for me. He did it for you. He did it for your mother. He did it for your future spouse. He did it for Obama. He did it for Jackson. He did it for Vick. He did it for your grandmother.....
so in my daily struggles and fears, i realized just how much Jesus did for me. He shed His BLOOD. His redeeming, purifying, restoring blood for my soul. It took me this particular stressor to realize just how precious His blood is! His pain, His shame, His hurt....was for my relief, restoration and redemption. Wow. I am in awe. Are you?
I was blessed to have my fears relieved. to fear something, to be in such bondage to a fear, is a horrible feeling. i was in chains, bound to this fear. The relief that came when my fear was proved wrong, the freedom which it brought, was such a wonderful gift from God. No words can explain. I pray you will feel it for yourself and so will understand what i am saying!
The restoration came after the fear was relieved. He broke my chains to this fear and restored my faith in Him and in a future. He restored my body to health and my soul to Himself. He restored my faith, giving me a peace that passes understanding. again, i pray that you will experience something that leads you to feel this deep-seeded peace that i have in my Jesus!
Redemption. Oh what a glorious word! how wonderful! how beautiful! We are redeemed by the Blood of Jesus. His suffering, His death and Resurrection has redeemed us to be sons and heirs of God if we just accept His gift and live for Him! And oh what a great decision to choose to live for Jesus! To feel His redemption!
To be redeemed, to be restored and to be relieved all go together. They all have such unexplainable feelings that i just pray you will feel them. I hope that this gave you a glimpse of what i am experiencing. Thanks for reading :)
so in my daily struggles and fears, i realized just how much Jesus did for me. He shed His BLOOD. His redeeming, purifying, restoring blood for my soul. It took me this particular stressor to realize just how precious His blood is! His pain, His shame, His hurt....was for my relief, restoration and redemption. Wow. I am in awe. Are you?
I was blessed to have my fears relieved. to fear something, to be in such bondage to a fear, is a horrible feeling. i was in chains, bound to this fear. The relief that came when my fear was proved wrong, the freedom which it brought, was such a wonderful gift from God. No words can explain. I pray you will feel it for yourself and so will understand what i am saying!
The restoration came after the fear was relieved. He broke my chains to this fear and restored my faith in Him and in a future. He restored my body to health and my soul to Himself. He restored my faith, giving me a peace that passes understanding. again, i pray that you will experience something that leads you to feel this deep-seeded peace that i have in my Jesus!
Redemption. Oh what a glorious word! how wonderful! how beautiful! We are redeemed by the Blood of Jesus. His suffering, His death and Resurrection has redeemed us to be sons and heirs of God if we just accept His gift and live for Him! And oh what a great decision to choose to live for Jesus! To feel His redemption!
To be redeemed, to be restored and to be relieved all go together. They all have such unexplainable feelings that i just pray you will feel them. I hope that this gave you a glimpse of what i am experiencing. Thanks for reading :)
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Same ol fight
I'm sick of this same ol same ol
i'm sick of the pass n fold
im sick of this back and forth again
i'm sick of your "that was then"
i cant keep this up
this is not real love
why must we always fight
why wil you not see the light
i am not her, she is not me
what we had was not, wont be
you know me baby
how i've been acting lately
you know me darlin
my out is really in
i don't know what to do
i feel so lost without you
but each word you say
breaks my heart each day
i cant sit here and wait
for you to still hate
i cant change your heart
you keep throwin darts
one of these days you will see
that i was right, i'm me
you know me so well
so why is this you cant tell
you know it all, you do
and so what's wrong with you
can't you see i could love you
forever and a day too
if you will just let me
but you are too stubborn i see
you say you never change
and yet can't seem to stay the same
whatever, it's done, i'm through
i need to see i cant have you
i'm sick of the pass n fold
im sick of this back and forth again
i'm sick of your "that was then"
i cant keep this up
this is not real love
why must we always fight
why wil you not see the light
i am not her, she is not me
what we had was not, wont be
you know me baby
how i've been acting lately
you know me darlin
my out is really in
i don't know what to do
i feel so lost without you
but each word you say
breaks my heart each day
i cant sit here and wait
for you to still hate
i cant change your heart
you keep throwin darts
one of these days you will see
that i was right, i'm me
you know me so well
so why is this you cant tell
you know it all, you do
and so what's wrong with you
can't you see i could love you
forever and a day too
if you will just let me
but you are too stubborn i see
you say you never change
and yet can't seem to stay the same
whatever, it's done, i'm through
i need to see i cant have you
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Lies, deception, disrespect....
So i found out some highly surprising and upsetting news a few moments ago. apparently, for the last few months, my eyes were blind and i could not see the truth staring me in the face. He had me fooled. I allowed myself to be made a fool of by him. Satan is the Father or Lies, the Accuser, the Devil. He deceives and is dishonest. there is no truth in him. He will distort things to make you see what he wants you to believe, anything he can do to get you to glory himself instead of the One Worthy of all Glory and Honor! i cant believe i didnt see thru his tricks! but of course, this was something i was blinded to. Oh how a wolf can hide in sheeps clothing! and how the devil waits like a roaring lion to snatch us up! he is more patient than me, he waited for the right moment and caused me to see things his way for i did not see that i was blind. i thought i had such great discernment and that God was the orginator of this relationship, but alas i made my deal with the devil! how could i b so stupid! i was fooled! and now a fool, i am shamed! as i see the truth, as i see through you......
How ironic that lies would continue in something born of a lie. all the things you told me and then took back, you could never make up your mind. you are a schizo. clinically insane. what was i thinking!? i refused to listen to the Spirit telling me that you were lying, that our relationship was a lie, that it was not of God. i thought for sure that it was the devil trying to tear us apart, but no. now i see it was God who was warning me but i turned a deaf ear!
WOE IS ME! Forgive me Father for not listening, for ignoring your voice! let me never misinterpret You again! Let me always listen and obey! Let me not rely on my own intuition, but on Your voice alone Lord. Let me not continue to make the mistakes i have made and help me to correct those that i have.
How ironic that lies would continue in something born of a lie. all the things you told me and then took back, you could never make up your mind. you are a schizo. clinically insane. what was i thinking!? i refused to listen to the Spirit telling me that you were lying, that our relationship was a lie, that it was not of God. i thought for sure that it was the devil trying to tear us apart, but no. now i see it was God who was warning me but i turned a deaf ear!
WOE IS ME! Forgive me Father for not listening, for ignoring your voice! let me never misinterpret You again! Let me always listen and obey! Let me not rely on my own intuition, but on Your voice alone Lord. Let me not continue to make the mistakes i have made and help me to correct those that i have.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
DNR
So im stealing the lessons from Jay and writing them in here because they have really been hitting me lately.
Of course, when God has been puttin 1 Sam 15 on my heart for the past week, i like to go to context and see whats around it. of course the verse that sticks out to me is what CLIMB is about tonight.
1 samuel 16:1: The Lord said to Samuel, "how long will you mourn for Saul since I have rejected him as your king over Israel? Fill your horn with oil and be on your way; I am sending you to Jesse of Bethlehem. I have chosen one of his sons to be king."
God said, "Becky, how long will you mourn this relationship since i have rejected it as good? Prepare again to be MY bride and leave this past relationship dead. I am drawing you closer to Jesus. I have chosen Him to be your everything."
Wow, truely God is telling me something here. When He sends many people that know and love Him to say the same thing to me, and His Word says the same thing to me, who am i to say no?
Samuel had high hopes for Saul. He justified Saul's disobedience, (But Lord, look-he brought this as an offering to you...). He was upset that Saul did not meet God's requirements. God "was grieved that He had made Saul king over Israel"(15:35b) This corresponds so perfectly to my life. I had high hopes for this relationship. I justified my disobedience. I saw it as what God wanted for me, and though God did put him as my boyfriend, just as He put Saul as king, I am upset that the relationship did not meet God's requirements and i'm sure that we grieved God.
How beautiful, though, it is that Jesus was born from the lineage of the Son of Jesse that God then made king after Saul! Samuel mourned for Saul, but if he knew what God was doing, he should have been praising Him for bringing into fulfillment the many prophesies for the Messiah! And how great this can be as an encouragement to us in our lives! When we give up, completely kill and leave to never resuscitate (DNR) our sins or anything that keeps us from God, we open up the way for Jesus to come!
Though i know it was hard for Samuel to follow the Lord (he even asks God how he will accomplish this because he fears Saul will kill him), it was worth it. This is how it is for me in my life, and for my readers. If God is telling you to leave something behind, do it. When He tells you to go to Bethlehem and see your Savior, go and see. For there is truly nothing greater than Jesus Christ. I believe this. Now i must live this.
I'm sorry. I love you and what we had was great. But we could not kill all the livestock. Though we had good intentions, we did not follow to a T. I must take up my cross and show Jesus He is the only King of my life, lover of my soul.....
Of course, when God has been puttin 1 Sam 15 on my heart for the past week, i like to go to context and see whats around it. of course the verse that sticks out to me is what CLIMB is about tonight.
1 samuel 16:1: The Lord said to Samuel, "how long will you mourn for Saul since I have rejected him as your king over Israel? Fill your horn with oil and be on your way; I am sending you to Jesse of Bethlehem. I have chosen one of his sons to be king."
God said, "Becky, how long will you mourn this relationship since i have rejected it as good? Prepare again to be MY bride and leave this past relationship dead. I am drawing you closer to Jesus. I have chosen Him to be your everything."
Wow, truely God is telling me something here. When He sends many people that know and love Him to say the same thing to me, and His Word says the same thing to me, who am i to say no?
Samuel had high hopes for Saul. He justified Saul's disobedience, (But Lord, look-he brought this as an offering to you...). He was upset that Saul did not meet God's requirements. God "was grieved that He had made Saul king over Israel"(15:35b) This corresponds so perfectly to my life. I had high hopes for this relationship. I justified my disobedience. I saw it as what God wanted for me, and though God did put him as my boyfriend, just as He put Saul as king, I am upset that the relationship did not meet God's requirements and i'm sure that we grieved God.
How beautiful, though, it is that Jesus was born from the lineage of the Son of Jesse that God then made king after Saul! Samuel mourned for Saul, but if he knew what God was doing, he should have been praising Him for bringing into fulfillment the many prophesies for the Messiah! And how great this can be as an encouragement to us in our lives! When we give up, completely kill and leave to never resuscitate (DNR) our sins or anything that keeps us from God, we open up the way for Jesus to come!
Though i know it was hard for Samuel to follow the Lord (he even asks God how he will accomplish this because he fears Saul will kill him), it was worth it. This is how it is for me in my life, and for my readers. If God is telling you to leave something behind, do it. When He tells you to go to Bethlehem and see your Savior, go and see. For there is truly nothing greater than Jesus Christ. I believe this. Now i must live this.
I'm sorry. I love you and what we had was great. But we could not kill all the livestock. Though we had good intentions, we did not follow to a T. I must take up my cross and show Jesus He is the only King of my life, lover of my soul.....
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Please keep me accountable
Singles 7 Commitments to a God-First Life:
I commit to trusting God's goodness and timing.
I commit to investing in ministry and developing God-First friendships
I commit to asking God to help me make the very most out of this season.
I commit to believing God will bring me what I need when I need it.
I commit to only entering a God-First dating relationship
I commit to a lifestyle of Purity
I commit to trying to seek God first in every area of my life.
I commit to trusting God's goodness and timing.
I commit to investing in ministry and developing God-First friendships
I commit to asking God to help me make the very most out of this season.
I commit to believing God will bring me what I need when I need it.
I commit to only entering a God-First dating relationship
I commit to a lifestyle of Purity
I commit to trying to seek God first in every area of my life.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Sin
What an ugly, foul, disgusting thing sin is! We must kill it. Daily, hourly, minutely, secondly....."flee temptation" "resist the devil and he will flee from you" "dead to sin in Christ's death and raised to walk with Him in new life." There are so many sayings, from the Bible, from the pulpit and from the heart, but how can we apply all of this?
Less than a week ago i asked some close friends, "When does a Christian stop sinning? or do we ever?" This question was met with emphatic "nope"s "never"s, and "we are always striving, never perfect"s. Scripture was used to back up their responses, but it just didn't sit well with me. Yeah, im not saying im ever gonna be completely perfect, but i can, excuse me-THROUGH JESUS i can--conquer this particular sin that still has me in bondage, right!? I MUST. He commands us "be Holy, for I am Holy." yet even PAUL struggled with sin, he was given a "thorn in [his] side to keep [him] humble" and is famous for "I do what i do not want to do and do not do that what i want to do." If PAUL couldn't conquer sin then we can't either right?
But what about sanctification. Is that just to say that because we call on Jesus as our Savior that we are set apart and even when we do sin that we have Jesus to make us sanctified even when we knowingly sin?! And yet, this is also answered to the disciples in that NO--do NOT go on sinning to just receive more grace. So it all comes down to this-we sin because we are disobedient and not fully submitting to God. I want to be completely surrendered to God. I do not want to keep on sinning. I do not want this "thorn in my side" to keep me humble! I feel that i can be humbled without it! With it i feel i am the worst hypocrite of all! (And this i have said)
--side note, (i love where Paul "talks as a fool" in "boasting" with how he is a better Jew etc just to show that the only boasting should be in Christ! He alone is worthy :))
This Christianity thing, it's more than a "religion" to me. It's more than "a way of life." It's the only life. If i cannot be all in, im not in it at all. For as much of a balanced girl i try to be, this is the one thing in my life i MUST be radical about. This is the ONE thing that i WILL be radical about and will not back down. Christ is the center of all i do. I must make that the honest truth and live to make His name high. This means killing my sin. This means i can no longer do the "things of the flesh," nor even think on them. Man! I must live under a rock! maybe. Maybe i just need to remember i am Not Of This World
Less than a week ago i asked some close friends, "When does a Christian stop sinning? or do we ever?" This question was met with emphatic "nope"s "never"s, and "we are always striving, never perfect"s. Scripture was used to back up their responses, but it just didn't sit well with me. Yeah, im not saying im ever gonna be completely perfect, but i can, excuse me-THROUGH JESUS i can--conquer this particular sin that still has me in bondage, right!? I MUST. He commands us "be Holy, for I am Holy." yet even PAUL struggled with sin, he was given a "thorn in [his] side to keep [him] humble" and is famous for "I do what i do not want to do and do not do that what i want to do." If PAUL couldn't conquer sin then we can't either right?
But what about sanctification. Is that just to say that because we call on Jesus as our Savior that we are set apart and even when we do sin that we have Jesus to make us sanctified even when we knowingly sin?! And yet, this is also answered to the disciples in that NO--do NOT go on sinning to just receive more grace. So it all comes down to this-we sin because we are disobedient and not fully submitting to God. I want to be completely surrendered to God. I do not want to keep on sinning. I do not want this "thorn in my side" to keep me humble! I feel that i can be humbled without it! With it i feel i am the worst hypocrite of all! (And this i have said)
--side note, (i love where Paul "talks as a fool" in "boasting" with how he is a better Jew etc just to show that the only boasting should be in Christ! He alone is worthy :))
This Christianity thing, it's more than a "religion" to me. It's more than "a way of life." It's the only life. If i cannot be all in, im not in it at all. For as much of a balanced girl i try to be, this is the one thing in my life i MUST be radical about. This is the ONE thing that i WILL be radical about and will not back down. Christ is the center of all i do. I must make that the honest truth and live to make His name high. This means killing my sin. This means i can no longer do the "things of the flesh," nor even think on them. Man! I must live under a rock! maybe. Maybe i just need to remember i am Not Of This World
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Why are we such PIGS!?
"chat with sexy singles who love God and read their Bible"
"come see my sexy Halloween costume"
"Introduce me to your friend, she's hot!"
"Don't worry about it, it's just (one cupcake, one drink, one smoke, one kiss...u fill in the blank)
These things just make me sick. Why do we continue to let the world we live in shoot us so many messages that tell us "sex is the only thing that matters" and "if you're hot, then you're important."?!
It really sickens me to see some of this trash that is bombarding our computer screens, TV screens, classrooms, church groups....why do you think people are killing themselves, whether slowly with their vices or quickly with suicide?! They see all around them that they are not important, not good enough, not worthy, not....anything. It's depressing. But is it just something we notice and say "oh that's so sad" or is it something we will actually DO something about?! Let the creativity flow friends! Tell me, HOW CAN WE CHANGE THIS WORLD!?
Conferences that tell a woman of her REAL beauty are few and far between, can we do more of them? can we be posting them instead of a College Thesis of the Horizontal Games?! Can we see the GOOD that is out there and post that instead of the bad? We need more of NICK VUJICIC, more Beth Moore, more "unveiled" (HINT-if you dont know any of these people/events, LOOK THEM UP :-D)
So, ideas:
love those who are not the most physically attractive to you
more conferences on inner beauty
tell these girls they are beautiful and these guys they are handsome, just because they are not a size two with muscles that bulge doesnt mean that they are not worthy of love and compliments
check out Nick vujicic, beth moore, and other inspirational speakers instead of the clips that tell you you arent good enough
read the Bible-even in the church building you will find people loving the attractive more than the "could lose a few" (as a Christian dating site puts it) esp 1 Samuel 16:7!
"come see my sexy Halloween costume"
"Introduce me to your friend, she's hot!"
"Don't worry about it, it's just (one cupcake, one drink, one smoke, one kiss...u fill in the blank)
These things just make me sick. Why do we continue to let the world we live in shoot us so many messages that tell us "sex is the only thing that matters" and "if you're hot, then you're important."?!
It really sickens me to see some of this trash that is bombarding our computer screens, TV screens, classrooms, church groups....why do you think people are killing themselves, whether slowly with their vices or quickly with suicide?! They see all around them that they are not important, not good enough, not worthy, not....anything. It's depressing. But is it just something we notice and say "oh that's so sad" or is it something we will actually DO something about?! Let the creativity flow friends! Tell me, HOW CAN WE CHANGE THIS WORLD!?
Conferences that tell a woman of her REAL beauty are few and far between, can we do more of them? can we be posting them instead of a College Thesis of the Horizontal Games?! Can we see the GOOD that is out there and post that instead of the bad? We need more of NICK VUJICIC, more Beth Moore, more "unveiled" (HINT-if you dont know any of these people/events, LOOK THEM UP :-D)
So, ideas:
love those who are not the most physically attractive to you
more conferences on inner beauty
tell these girls they are beautiful and these guys they are handsome, just because they are not a size two with muscles that bulge doesnt mean that they are not worthy of love and compliments
check out Nick vujicic, beth moore, and other inspirational speakers instead of the clips that tell you you arent good enough
read the Bible-even in the church building you will find people loving the attractive more than the "could lose a few" (as a Christian dating site puts it) esp 1 Samuel 16:7!
Saturday, October 23, 2010
To Save A Life Party
So tonight i got some friends together to watch this movie. It was life changing and we had some great discussion after it ended about Christianity and living it out etc. I had 2 friends who were not "Jesus Freaks" there. I dont want to say they werent Christian because they have said they believe in God (yes i know that is not the only requirement to being a Christian but this post is not to judge them as Christians or not!) Anyway, those 2 left before the movie ended. They didnt like the hardcore Christianity being pushed down their throats. Those of us that stayed, those of us "on fire for God" stayed afterward and had some great discussion! And also some terrible points made. I cant recall anything particular, except asking one person to basically be like the awesome leader that we saw in the lead character in the movie. She answered that she would talk to me about it. This meant no. This meant, no, i really am not gonna practice what i preach. i am gonna live in my happy content bubble and not serve my brother. This meant no i will not do what is right,what Jesus would do, but im gonna tell u all about how i want to be more like Jesus and all that matters to me is Him. Well, honey, if that was the TRUTH you would have served Him tonight. Instead, you kept ur security, ur comfort, ur perfect little life. Thanks for proving the cynics right. We cant change the world. Not because it's impossible, but because we refuse to. We refuse to let Christ use us. We refuse to do what He tells us to do. We refuse to love the "unloveable" though we will talk about doing it like we do it all the time. What fakers! No wonder the world hates us! No wonder the world doesnt "buy into" Christianity! All they see is FAKE CHRISTIANS. I wouldnt sign up for it either! Thank God i DO have people in my life showing true Christianity and being like Jesus in this world! To be honest, i will take the sinner who strives to be like Jesus in serving over the Pharisee who knows and quotes scripture but refuses to follow it!
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Soul Mates
Have you ever had an experience where you were in a group and someone says exactly what you were thinking but were too chicken to say? or couldnt quite find the words to say? Have you ever had someone come up to you and say, "thanks! that was just what i needed to hear/say"? have you ever been to a church and felt like a bobble head doll because you kept agreeing with the sermon?
This is the "one-ness," the unity, the body of Christ being One. This is one of the most wondrous, awesome, wonderful, amazing, thrilling experiences i have ever had. And, Praise God!, it has been happening quite frequently! This is the Spirit of the Lord that is uniting His people together. This is our souls uniting as one. This is true soul mates.
For me, soul mates has nothing to do with a husband and wife, but everything to do with the marriage of Christ and His Church. The intimacy, the sharing, the love, the passion that is shared....when the body of Christ can feel it, and they feel it together, it is some powerful stuff! So be prepared my soul mates, for God is doing amazing things and you knew that already, because the Spirit is telling you, too!
This is the "one-ness," the unity, the body of Christ being One. This is one of the most wondrous, awesome, wonderful, amazing, thrilling experiences i have ever had. And, Praise God!, it has been happening quite frequently! This is the Spirit of the Lord that is uniting His people together. This is our souls uniting as one. This is true soul mates.
For me, soul mates has nothing to do with a husband and wife, but everything to do with the marriage of Christ and His Church. The intimacy, the sharing, the love, the passion that is shared....when the body of Christ can feel it, and they feel it together, it is some powerful stuff! So be prepared my soul mates, for God is doing amazing things and you knew that already, because the Spirit is telling you, too!
Sunday, October 10, 2010
10-10-10....a reflection on love
(WARNING THESE NEXT COUPLE PARAGRAPHS ARE A TIME LINE, IF YOU JUST WANT THE REFLECTION WITHOUT THE BACKGROUND,
GO TO THE 5th PARAGRAPH)
Not many know this, but i was supposed to get married today. Senior year in high school i was dating a man. A mutual friend introduced us. We started dating Dec 16, 2006, got engaged Dec 23, 2007 and broke up some time in the spring of 2008. We had set the date for our wedding to be Oct 10, 2010 because i love numbers and he wanted to get married in the fall and we wanted me to have my RN and a full-time job. I dont really remember what happened in the months after the break up. I think i recall still seeing him a few times, but i know the last time i talked 2 him we were disconnected from the phone and when i called back his friend picked up and basically cursed me out and told me to leave my ex alone.
i spent my newly found "free time" working like crazy and a friend from work brought me to a church group for college-aged kids in the summer of 2008 . I immediately fell in love and realized how important my faith is to me. i put my free time back into God and the church, and in October met a guy who i dated for almost a year and a half, "knowing" that it was God who brought us together since neither of us were looking for relationships but had an indescribable connection. I figured we would get married. He figured we would just see what happens. How did that last a year and a half? (LOL sorry, i just think it's funny looking back).
So at this point, i was devastated to have lost yet another "future husband" but i was working on being content being single again. i was looking to God to fill me and sustain me. Life was fine. Sure i still would have loved to be getting married and having someone to love and love me, but i had my friends and they were my everything. i let go and let God. Then i met another man.
we met up to discuss a sermon, not to fall in love. but, as irony would have it, fall in love we did. this began the most intense relationship i have had with a potential husband. the bond we created was so strong that i can only explain our relationship as intense. It was on fire for God, encouraging one another, reading books exploring God together. It was a good relationship...and tho the word intense may have bad connotation, there is just no other way to explain that except intense! But how long can a fire stay that strong surrounded by lakes and firefighters....
So in the last 4 years of my life, i have only been single or in non-serious relationships for six months....just realizing this today and it just hit hard. that's 7/8 in relationship, 1/8 not, for FOUR YEARS!? Do i not know how to be single? do i take every slightest possibility and take it as a "sign" that i am supposed to be with that person? maybe i do. i really do wonder if that was all it was....and yet, i just cant let go....but is that because i dont know how to be single and it scares me to be single so i stay in relationships even when they are not right? But i dont think i am supposed to be single. i can only see myself as being married. i have so much love to give, how can i not share it? and i know there is the sharing love as a friend or mentor and nurse...but it is not the same.
is it bad to have not been single for more than 6 months total in the last 4 years, and yet having 3 serious relationships? :-/ when i say it that way i deserve a "Here's Your Sign!" 3 SERIOUS relationships in 4 years?! REALLY!? ugh....So here is your chance. Tell me, please, good friends and viewers, what do you think? Do i need to have a "year of singleness" and just stick to it, no matter what? Maybe then i can truly discern who and when is right better than just taking every connection as a sign that HE is the one...So here we go.
As of 10-10-10, i will:
1-not be in an exclusive relationship (meaning i can go on dates but not give away my heart/expect that they are The One)
OR
2-not even go on a date
OR
3-just keep doin what im doin (allow myself to fall in love)
for one whole year.
COMMENTS PLEASE!!!!
GO TO THE 5th PARAGRAPH)
Not many know this, but i was supposed to get married today. Senior year in high school i was dating a man. A mutual friend introduced us. We started dating Dec 16, 2006, got engaged Dec 23, 2007 and broke up some time in the spring of 2008. We had set the date for our wedding to be Oct 10, 2010 because i love numbers and he wanted to get married in the fall and we wanted me to have my RN and a full-time job. I dont really remember what happened in the months after the break up. I think i recall still seeing him a few times, but i know the last time i talked 2 him we were disconnected from the phone and when i called back his friend picked up and basically cursed me out and told me to leave my ex alone.
i spent my newly found "free time" working like crazy and a friend from work brought me to a church group for college-aged kids in the summer of 2008 . I immediately fell in love and realized how important my faith is to me. i put my free time back into God and the church, and in October met a guy who i dated for almost a year and a half, "knowing" that it was God who brought us together since neither of us were looking for relationships but had an indescribable connection. I figured we would get married. He figured we would just see what happens. How did that last a year and a half? (LOL sorry, i just think it's funny looking back).
So at this point, i was devastated to have lost yet another "future husband" but i was working on being content being single again. i was looking to God to fill me and sustain me. Life was fine. Sure i still would have loved to be getting married and having someone to love and love me, but i had my friends and they were my everything. i let go and let God. Then i met another man.
we met up to discuss a sermon, not to fall in love. but, as irony would have it, fall in love we did. this began the most intense relationship i have had with a potential husband. the bond we created was so strong that i can only explain our relationship as intense. It was on fire for God, encouraging one another, reading books exploring God together. It was a good relationship...and tho the word intense may have bad connotation, there is just no other way to explain that except intense! But how long can a fire stay that strong surrounded by lakes and firefighters....
So in the last 4 years of my life, i have only been single or in non-serious relationships for six months....just realizing this today and it just hit hard. that's 7/8 in relationship, 1/8 not, for FOUR YEARS!? Do i not know how to be single? do i take every slightest possibility and take it as a "sign" that i am supposed to be with that person? maybe i do. i really do wonder if that was all it was....and yet, i just cant let go....but is that because i dont know how to be single and it scares me to be single so i stay in relationships even when they are not right? But i dont think i am supposed to be single. i can only see myself as being married. i have so much love to give, how can i not share it? and i know there is the sharing love as a friend or mentor and nurse...but it is not the same.
is it bad to have not been single for more than 6 months total in the last 4 years, and yet having 3 serious relationships? :-/ when i say it that way i deserve a "Here's Your Sign!" 3 SERIOUS relationships in 4 years?! REALLY!? ugh....So here is your chance. Tell me, please, good friends and viewers, what do you think? Do i need to have a "year of singleness" and just stick to it, no matter what? Maybe then i can truly discern who and when is right better than just taking every connection as a sign that HE is the one...So here we go.
As of 10-10-10, i will:
1-not be in an exclusive relationship (meaning i can go on dates but not give away my heart/expect that they are The One)
OR
2-not even go on a date
OR
3-just keep doin what im doin (allow myself to fall in love)
for one whole year.
COMMENTS PLEASE!!!!
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Security
So i have been told one of my biggest issues is my insecurities. and the fault in that is looking to human validation of worth. (phew that was wordy! take a few moments to really meditate on that).
So what? My parents tell me im wonderful, i have friends that tell me i deserve the best...but it's not enough. NO, even if i had a man telling me morning noon and night how wonderful i am, even that would not be enough. If my boss told me every day that my position was so important and i was the best to fill it, it would not satisfy, it would not validate my worth, it would still leave me insecure.
Why's that? Because only in our insecurities in this life can we be truely secure. Huh? Just give it a moment. If we are "secure" with what we have from people, that will fade. Your parents will be disappointed in you, your friends will fight with you, your boss will see a new hire, and that man, well, he is a man......
So now that we are back to insecure, where else can we look for security? How about the One Who created me? No, we talked about parents already. try bigger, much bigger. God created you and me. He said "it's good." He "knew and knit you in the womb." Find security in Him.
But how?
If finding security in Jesus was easy, dont you think more Christians would have easy lives? And yet, dont we? We, as Christians who have accepted the gift of salvation through Jesus Christ, have eternal life. Hows that for security! We are literally going to live after we die. Doesnt get much more secure than that! And what about the promise that He will never leave you nor forsake you? God the Father had to turn away from His own PERFECT Son, so that He will never have to turn away from you. If that doesn't scream "I LOVE YOU! YOU ARE WORTHY! YOU ARE SAFE AND SECURE HERE WITH ME!" i do not know what does.
So long insecurity, i left you in God's house tonight!
So what? My parents tell me im wonderful, i have friends that tell me i deserve the best...but it's not enough. NO, even if i had a man telling me morning noon and night how wonderful i am, even that would not be enough. If my boss told me every day that my position was so important and i was the best to fill it, it would not satisfy, it would not validate my worth, it would still leave me insecure.
Why's that? Because only in our insecurities in this life can we be truely secure. Huh? Just give it a moment. If we are "secure" with what we have from people, that will fade. Your parents will be disappointed in you, your friends will fight with you, your boss will see a new hire, and that man, well, he is a man......
So now that we are back to insecure, where else can we look for security? How about the One Who created me? No, we talked about parents already. try bigger, much bigger. God created you and me. He said "it's good." He "knew and knit you in the womb." Find security in Him.
But how?
If finding security in Jesus was easy, dont you think more Christians would have easy lives? And yet, dont we? We, as Christians who have accepted the gift of salvation through Jesus Christ, have eternal life. Hows that for security! We are literally going to live after we die. Doesnt get much more secure than that! And what about the promise that He will never leave you nor forsake you? God the Father had to turn away from His own PERFECT Son, so that He will never have to turn away from you. If that doesn't scream "I LOVE YOU! YOU ARE WORTHY! YOU ARE SAFE AND SECURE HERE WITH ME!" i do not know what does.
So long insecurity, i left you in God's house tonight!
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
The first
Hi all, just wanted to start the blog. Dont have anything to say quite yet, just hanging out with my mom and my sister's kids so i just wanted to get this started so i can give ppl a place to look and i will update as much as i can. Good thoughts to come. First, let me start with:
I pray for the fruit of the spirit and the armor of God:
Lord I take up the sword of the Spirit and the Word of God, I take up the shield of my faith, i put on the breastplate of righteousness, don my feet with the gospel of peace and steady the helmet of salvation on my head. I pray for love joy PEACE PATIENCE kindness goodness FAITHFULNESS gentleness and SELF-CONTROL!
I pray for the fruit of the spirit and the armor of God:
Lord I take up the sword of the Spirit and the Word of God, I take up the shield of my faith, i put on the breastplate of righteousness, don my feet with the gospel of peace and steady the helmet of salvation on my head. I pray for love joy PEACE PATIENCE kindness goodness FAITHFULNESS gentleness and SELF-CONTROL!
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